1…2…3…I am…

111 days down, 254 to go…

Dear Birds outside my son’s window,

I get that because you are a bird, you live in a nest, in a tree. I get that because you are a bird, when the sun rises, you rise. I get that because you are a bird, you make bird noises. These are all things birds do. But what I don’t get dear birdies, is why the h*ll you think it is necessary to make a nest in the tree right by #2’s window and then rise with the sun at 5:00 am and chirp chirp CHIRP waking him up. I mean really, WTF. I know you are a bird and not human, but you have babies too right? Don’t you get annoyed when they wake up too early? Don’t you ever want to sleep in until, say 6:00 am? Well I sure as h*ll do. So please. PLEASE stop chirping so darn early. Let #2 sleep in because when he wakes the whole house up and it ain’t pretty and it makes me want to CHIRP really, really loud.  And I can’t. So back off with the early chirping. Please.

The Orange Rhino


We have early risers in our house. Always have, always will. But never before 5:30. Until recently. # 2 has taken to waking with the birds at 5:00 am. We have told him repeatedly that he has to stay in his room and remain quiet until his yellow sun alarm clock goes off at 6:00. Well, that is great in theory but not if he has to go to the bathroom. Which was the case this past Saturday. He woke up at 5, thanks to the birds, and then proceeded to open his door and LOUDLY stomp into the bathroom.

Okay, no biggie I think to myself. He is just peeing. I roll over and try to fall back to sleep.

“Mommy, I pooped. Come wipe me.” He hollered.

Shit. No pun intended. I rolled out of bed, stumbled down the hall, and took care of business followed by a little talk.

“#2, it is still night time. Go back to your room, get back in bed and be quiet.”

“But mom, the birds are up. It is daytime.”

“Not in this house it isn’t. Back to bed.”

10 minutes pass.

I hear a creak and then footsteps all followed by a knock.

“Hey #1, you ‘wake? Let’s play.”

Too tired to parent, I ignored it and thought to myself “whatever, I just want to sleep.” I rolled over to my husband and said “you go deal with it, or I’ll yell.” His response, “I’m sleeping and besides you can’t yell you are The Orange Rhino.” Seriously? Seriously? So neither one of us got up.

Well clearly that was a BAD idea.

5 minutes later I hear massive laughter. I can handle two kids being up early, but not 4. I race into the room to stop the noise only to find it destroyed – they had decided to make a fort out of the bed and pitch it up with piles of books and lego towers. I took one look and closed the door.

I was still too tired to parent, and way too tired to yell.

Well clearly that was ANOTHER BAD idea (the not parenting part.)

10 minutes later, it is now, what 5:25 I hear water. GUSHING.

I run into the bathroom. #2 has CLIMBED onto the vanity counter and is not brushing his teeth, not washing his hands, not doing anything productive. Instead he was intentionally SPLASHING all the water onto the floor. Are you <<<insert the F bomb here>>> kidding me? It is a good thing it was so early and I was so tired because what I thought was neither said nor screamed. Phew!

I turned around, got a towel and took darling #2 off the counter.

“#2, water is for brushing teeth and washing hands. Not for splashing. Here is a towel. You made the mess, you clean it up.”

I left the bathroom and went to start the day. No point sleeping now. As I was rather aggressively making my bed #1 came in:

“Mommy, slow down. You look angry.”

I didn’t say a thing. I was furious but didn’t want to lose it.

#1 left and then came RUNNING back in saying:

“1-2-3 I am taking care of me” while showing me the pages to his book “Calm-Down Time.”

"I can breathe in and out while I count to three. One...two...three. I'm taking care of me." More like "I'm taking care of mommy!"



I just had to smile. He was so proud of himself and well, I was proud of him too. And grateful.  Saved by my five –and-a-half year old!




Then #2 came in.

“Mommy, are you still mad?”

“Yes #2, I am.”

#2 then left and came RUNNING back in with the BIGGEST sh*t eating grin on his face. Why? Well because he had found the Orange Rhino sign we made and was flashing it in front of my face.

 “Orange Rhino mommy. Orange Rhino.”

Now I really had to smile. My kids were helping ME be a better mother. I loved it. The 25 minutes before? Not so much. But this minute, I absolutely loved. I had managed to teach my son a lesson (clean up your mess) without losing it and also had taught him that one doesn’t have to yell. What started as a really crappy day was already turning around.

I got in the shower, still smiling. “Maybe I would survive the day afterall?” I thought to myself.

5 minutes later I knew I would. The boys strategically placed their friendly reminders to me in my bed so that I would see them upon getting out of the bathroom.

No caption necessary...



“Brilliant move boys, brilliant. Thanks for your support. It not only means a lot, but it also helps a tremendous amount. Now let’s go clean up the mess that is #2’s bedroom, kay?”





And they actually complied.

Now if only the damn birds would….

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