Don’t give up…

281 days without yelling, 84 days of loving more to go!

Dear Self,

Remember a few months ago when you hated your body because those last 12 pounds of baby weight wouldn’t budge and felt it mandatory to stay glued to your thighs, hips, a*s, stomach, face, arms, and  well everywhere? And remember how many times you wanted to give up because all your tracking of food and extra exercising seemed to be producing no results? And remember how one day the scale FINALLY showed progress and that pushed you to keep going until all 12 pounds were gone? I tell you this to prove that you can lose those 8 pounds that you gained these last few weeks eating processed carbs and drinking numerous glasses of vino! You can do it!

Yourself (the one tired of hearing you complain that you can’t do it as you shove another bite of ice cream in your mouth).


ARGH! I am stuck, stuck, stuck! I want to lose weight but I can’t seem to move forward. Every morning I say “today is the day! Today is the day that just like that I am going to stop eating crap and starting feeling better about myself.” And then every night comes and as I get in my pajamas and I see my belly shake I say “tomorrow will be the day. Tomorrow will be the day that I exercise and eat well.”

I’ve been having these chats and trying hard to eat well for two weeks now. And I am making NO progress. The scale isn’t budging and I’m pissed.

Is it good that each day I keep trying? Yes. Is it good that each day after one mistake I say screw it I’ll start again tomorrow and give up? NO. Because not only does that just make it harder, but also there are lots more chances that day to succeed and get back on path.

When I recently lost weight I wanted to give up every single day because I didn’t see any progress. One morning the scale yelled at me ever so rudely “YOU SUCK AT LOSING WEIGHT!” and then my pants yelled at me “STOP EATING SO YOU CAN BUTTON ME AGAIN!” and then my husband said to me as he saw tears come to my eyes, “Don’t give up. Don’t give up.”

And I didn’t because I knew I wanted to change, that I had to keep going because I felt so awful about myself that it was permeating everything and everyone I touched. And what would know? The very next day the scale finally showed me some serious love. And that day I worked even harder because I knew I could do it. And I worked harder the next day and the day after and the day after and then weeks later I was at a weight I have dreamed of for 8 years.

All because I didn’t give up.

Because I didn’t stop trying after one mistake. Because I asked for support from my husband. Because I forgave myself after the extra cookies. Because I stopped putting myself down, telling myself I couldn’t do it, that I sucked. Because after a few pounds of success I believed in myself that I could do it.

Oh wait, am I talking about my challenge with weight loss or the challenge of learning not to yell?

When I started this challenge the counter always yelled at me “You suck, you can’t stop yelling!” and my children yelled at me “STOP yelling, you’re so mean!” and then one day when I wanted to quit because it was so HARD and EXHAUSTING I wrote on The Orange Rhino Facebook wall and you all told me “Don’t give up. Don’t give up.”

And I didn’t. The next moment I wanted to yell I didn’t because I knew I could control myself. And the moment after, and the moment after that. Before I knew it, I had gone days without yelling. 281 days later and I still haven’t yelled…

Because I didn’t stop trying after one bad moment of yelling.
Because I asked for support.
Because I forgave myself when I did yell.
Because I stopped telling myself I would never change.
Because after a few moments of success I believed in myself that I could do it.

And I believe that I can lose weight again.
And I BELIEVE that you can learn to lose your yelling voice.

Ask me for help. Don’t write a day off if you yell. I promise that your kids will give lots of opportunities to try again! Forgive yourself when you do yell. Stop yelling yourself you can’t change. Know that you will have moments of success and that those moments will make you encourage and inspire you to keep going.

I wrote this last night when I was angry that I had done well all day and then blew it when I rammed ice cream down like a champ after the kids went to bed.

BUT this morning I got on the scale. Ironically, it FINALLY showed me that my attempts this week weren’t for naught. That moment of progress inspired me to finally eat a healthy lunch again and finally said no to the extra cookie. Sometimes it just takes one good moment to be propelled to keep trying. But if you don’t try, you might never get that one moment. 

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2 thoughts on “Don’t give up…

  1. BTW I have epilepsy, it is not a death sentence, it is learning. I have done speaches after speaches about it. and while i had to smile as i looked at him laying in his crib that you so cutely pointed out looked more like a cage. Well hon, hate to tell you but other children have been in those and they have to be steralized. I am going on 55, and well she grew up and yells 10 times more than I ever did. I was a single parent, lived and paid my parents to live with them, tried to move out to have guilt laid on me by my dad, so i am well aware of frustrations. However , God left me there, later i realized this, for a reason, my mom was going to need me. My dad passed away, and my daughter saw him as her dad. Soo Now what?? Well will take it moment by moment. one thing i did do wrong. I never cried in front of her. I felt it was wrong. Then a wise old dr. Said, are you not supposed to feel? I thought about it. yes i am. To this day tho i have a hard time crying in front of her, I am the mommy person, tho she is 31, I still see me as the stronger of the two, and i just can not seem too….Sounds like you are doing what i would call a hell of a job, I honestly have to say you are a roll modle for a lot of young ladies out there that need help, keep kicking the habit and when no one is around scream if you have too to release tention. and yes God puts angels everywhere out on the streets……Omg you are in newtown, I am so so sorry for the losses there. i have been crying with y’all vs for you. I can not imagine the heart ache, the fear, the pain, my daughter has a theroy, put a veteran to work there and the kids will find him just a person, and love him, or her, and yet they are not scared to take the other person down,. Okay off the subject, I am bad about that..dear, just think of the ones that can not yell anymore before yelling. I am not blowing smoke up your butt and telling you it is easy, i am saying think. But as for epilepsy, it is

    • Thank you for reading and your very kind words. Perhaps you are one of those angels put where people need them? We are still waiting on the epilepsy diagnosis but the new doctor seems positive that we may be in the clear. The upside is that it has helped me to enjoy each moment and to tell him I love him more than I used to. You are so sweet with your words, again thank you. Have a great night!!

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