A personal struggle (yes, another one!)

Written on Facebook when we had no power…and as I copy and paste it here and re-read it I want to make clear that this post is about ME and my struggles, not my boys! 

A post not about yelling, but about a personal struggle (hopefully a familiar one?) That stresses me. So I guess it is indirectly about yelling then isn’t it?

People keep asking me…why don’t you go and stay somewhere else? Why don’t you go to a hotel, a friends, grandparents, anywhere there is power? The reasons are quite simple. As to grandparents or a hotel, well, it would actually be more work and more stress to take four kiddos to a place without their toys, their beds, their comfort. Yes on occasion it’s fun to go to grandma’s or on vacation. But when it is unplanned and unknown how long we will be gone? No, that is too much for me. And for my kids quite frankly. They, I, need as much routine, as much familiarity as I, we, can muster.

And as to going to a friend’s house, well, this is where I wonder if I am alone. I am deathly terrified of taking my kids to a friend’s house. Terrified they will misbehave, they will be too loud, they won’t be polite, that they won’t be as good as my friend’s kids. It is so bad that I hardly ever truly relax when visiting a friend because my anxiety that one of my boys will act out scares the bejeebers out of me.Yes I know. This probably sounds ridiculous. Not just because real friends don’t judge but because kids are kids. But still I worry. I fret. I fear. I struggle because I don’t know anyone who has children like mine, or rather because I have never witnessed friend’s children acting like mine. I haven’t seen sensory attacks, screaming attacks, hyper attacks anywhere but in my own home and it is isolating. Ever so isolating.

And so I isolate myself even further. I say yes as much as I can, on days when I have the strength and patience to parent my best. I say yes on the days when I know WE will have a good day, when I won’t be embarrassed  when my boys are more apt to not have an “attack.” I say yes when I can but also, I say no a lot. I have gotten a lot better these last two years as I have grown to know my boys, as I have learned how to read them better and help them more. As I have grown as a parent but still. Again. I say no a lot just because I am terrified of what people will think of me as a parent.

Which begs the question: is the problem that my kids behavior is legitimately embarrassing or that I am legitimately insecure? It’s probably a little bit of both but more the insecurity, don’t you think?

Do you feel insecure about your kid’s behavior? Ever?

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2 thoughts on “A personal struggle (yes, another one!)

  1. I just found this blog tonight. I’m reading and reading and reading. I am a mom to 3 boys -5,4 and 2, and I’m a yeller. I hate that I am….every night I pray to make the next day better. Hasn’t worked very well yet. Yes, I’m insecure about my kids behavior. People always tell me they are so well behaved, but that may be because I have put the fear of god into them, because at home, it’s total chaos. Total. so, no, you’re not alone in this fear. I’m going to take your challenge. starting monday. starting with one week.

    • Hi! So glad you have found the blog and I do hope it is helpful in whichever way you dream it to be! Thank you so much for sharing that you too are insecure about your kid’s behavior. It makes me feel so much better! And it is so nice to meet another mom to boys roughly kiddos age. I am right there with you and the chaos. Right there. If I can figure out the not yeling thing I believe that you can too! Good luck!

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