Written on Facebook when we had no power…and as I copy and paste it here and re-read it I want to make clear that this post is about ME and my struggles, not my boys!
A post not about yelling, but about a personal struggle (hopefully a familiar one?) That stresses me. So I guess it is indirectly about yelling then isn’t it?
People keep asking me…why don’t you go and stay somewhere else? Why don’t you go to a hotel, a friends, grandparents, anywhere there is power? The reasons are quite simple. As to grandparents or a hotel, well, it would actually be more work and more stress to take four kiddos to a place without their toys, their beds, their comfort. Yes on occasion it’s fun to go to grandma’s or on vacation. But when it is unplanned and unknown how long we will be gone? No, that is too much for me. And for my kids quite frankly. They, I, need as much routine, as much familiarity as I, we, can muster.
And so I isolate myself even further. I say yes as much as I can, on days when I have the strength and patience to parent my best. I say yes on the days when I know WE will have a good day, when I won’t be embarrassed when my boys are more apt to not have an “attack.” I say yes when I can but also, I say no a lot. I have gotten a lot better these last two years as I have grown to know my boys, as I have learned how to read them better and help them more. As I have grown as a parent but still. Again. I say no a lot just because I am terrified of what people will think of me as a parent.
Which begs the question: is the problem that my kids behavior is legitimately embarrassing or that I am legitimately insecure? It’s probably a little bit of both but more the insecurity, don’t you think?
Do you feel insecure about your kid’s behavior? Ever?