“Yell Less, Love More” 30-Day Challenge Book Club!

When I started The Orange Rhino Challenge in 2012, I felt excited to change yet equally (more so?) ashamed that I had to change. As such, even though I very much wanted to share about my Challenge and knew that I needed to in order to get the support I knew I needed to succeed, I still hesitated to tell people. I would get the courage to tell someone or to post a new blog entry and then BAM! I would feel a pit in my stomach. Fear would take over and either my mouth or fingers would pause as my brain started freaking out! [pullquote]What would be said when I shared that I promised my boys that I would go 365 days straight without yelling at them? Would I be ridiculed? Laughed at? Questioned? Lectured?[/pullquote]What would be said when I shared that I promised my boys that I would go 365 days straight without yelling at them? Would I be ridiculed? Laughed at? Questioned? Lectured? Or, what would be said when I wrote about a personal experience with yelling, would my capability as a mother be examined? Would I be insulted? Humiliated even more?

But after sharing about my Challenge a handful of times, I quickly realized that my fears were unfounded. Thankfully, the judgment never really came! Sure I received an occasional questioning eye and a fake encouraging response, but for the most part, I received nothing short of positive, enthusiastic, and genuine support. This gave me the confidence to more readily share my “dark secret” and about my journey. As a result, I created an even larger group of people supporting me, keeping me accountable, and ultimately helping me to succeed as an Orange Rhino who went 520 days straight without yelling!

Could I have succeeded without having to share my “dark secret” and without having to risk feeling more ashamed than I already did? Sure. We can all do things alone. But as Betty Ford so perfectly put, and as I so wonderfully experienced, “You can make it, but it’s easier if you don’t have to do it alone.” CURLY BRACKETS TOI want your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” to be easier for you too! I want you to succeed on your own Orange Rhino Challenge so that you yell less at yourself for being a bad parent, but instead experience what I have: enjoying my life more and finally feeling better about myself as a person and as a parent. Now, I obviously can’t make your journey easier by magically making all of your triggers go away and magically making your kids listen to you the first time, but I can make it easier by guaranteeing you a loving, understanding, non-judgmental, “hands-on-I-tried-this-and-it-worked-give-it-a-try” support! Enter the “Yell Less, Love More 30-Day Challenge Book Club!” Starting November 1st, I will lead a private, online virtual book club via The Orange Rhino Challenge community.

November 1st BC ImageEveryday in the “Yell Less, Love More Book Club” I will:

  • Do daily giveaways of items that can support you on your journey, such as Orange Rhino bracelets, keychains, stressballs, notebooks, coffee mugs, nail polish, and more!
  • Share additional inspirational quotes that reflect the book’s theme of the day.
  • Offer additional stories and details that further expand on the book’s theme of the day.
  • Answer as many questions as I possibly can! (I have no idea how big this will be!)
  • Work to help you all connect with each other and meet like-minded Orange Rhinos facing similar challenges or living in a nearby location.
  • Continue to develop other community boards that reflect the needs you all share in the book club!

Every day in the “Yell Less, Love More Book Club” you will:

  • Read posts by others that make you feel less alone and more hopeful
  • Find other Orange Rhinos that share the same yelling challenges as you, giving you more personalized information/stories to help you on your journey.
  • Build the necessary support network to succeed at learning to yell less
  • And much more I am sure!

How can you join? As all book clubs go, I will lead the days’ discussions based on the content in the book. So, understandably, you need the book to participate! My sincere hope is that the combination of the book content and the enhanced support and conversation on the community will truly help make your journey to “Yell Less, Love More” both easier and enjoyable! Ready to start your journey?

  • Email me your proof of purchase (pre-order or regular order) at YellLessLoveMore@gmail.com
  • I will reply with a temporary code for you to use to login into the Private Community. You will then create your own password. Every day, at least once, I will add a new post to the Community. Check in throughout the day for my posts as well as comments from others!
  • The club will officially start November 1st and will end November 30th – overlapping with American Thanksgiving! This was planned! I imagine that you will be Thankful that you met new people, Grateful that you pushed yourself to change, and happy that you Discovered that you could indeed “Yell Less, Love More” (NOTE: Many sites say November 1 for the release date but I have strong reason to believe 😉 that pre-orders will be arriving by November 1st! If not, we will adjust the date!!)
  • Pre-order the book today to make sure you have it by November 1st! You can find it at any one of your favorite online resources for books! Here is a list of a few: www.theorangerhino.com/the-book

I am really excited to do another online 30-Day Challenge as the past ones have brought people together, spread hope, and created change. Get ready to “Yell Less, Love More!” Note: If you have already participated in one of my 30-Day Challenges, this will be different as the content and approach in the book are different. And well, now I actually have a real book where you can easily keep track of actions, take notes, and get printouts without having to print them out!

Tonight I Toot My Rhino Horn

This is not an ordinary blog post, but here goes anyways!

I need to “Toot My Rhino Horn” tonight big time. I was going to write about it as a comment on our Facebook Community tonight when I called for others to “Toot His/Her Rhino Horn” but then I quickly realized it wouldn’t be a comment, but more like a long story so hey, why not just blog.

So here I am. Blogging and Tooting at the same time. This is a complete, top of my mind, no editing, no thinking post. So please prepare yourself for totally nonsensical (is that a word?) thoughts and writing!

As you all know, last week I posted about leading another “30 Days to Yelling Less Project” starting tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. I was so proud of myself for figuring out an easy way to get people to sign up. The last two rounds I manually entered about 800 names into my gmail contacts. I kid you not. I am not what you say technologically gifted! I really wanted to run another 30 day Challenge but with the current set-up in my life, manually entering names just wasn’t an option. I hemmed and hawed about not running another Challenge but finally decided I would just take a leap of faith and use the email service many of my blogging friends used.

So I figured out how to set up a form to get subscribers. Score.

And then I figured out how to embed said form into a blog post. Double Score.

And then I shared it with all of you and got 6,000 people. Holy Smokes! Triple Score and then some.

Last night I decided to log in and do a practice for today. Um, negative one thousand score.

In all my research, I didn’t confirm what would happen if I had more than 2,000 people sign up. I mean, I had NO idea this idea would get such a response! I am floored and excited and scared and nervous all at the same time! Any who, so it turns out that because I am over 2,000 people, my account needs super duper verification in order to be used.

I learned this last night.

At 8:00 p.m.

I wanted to send out an email tonight. At 8:00 p.m.

But I can’t. Because my account is on hold.

The customer service reps are “barely” on during the weekends. So I am stuck patiently waiting until Monday at 9:00am to resolve this issue. I am stuck with the thought that I will let 6,000 people down by not being able to send an email tomorrow morning.

Now let me tell you a little something about myself. I don’t like letting 1 person down, let alone 100, let alone 600 or 6,000! Pre-Orange Rhino Challenge days, if this exact last 24 hours went down I would have been all worked up, in a hissy and probably snapped and yelled at my kids unnecessarily. Yes, I would have taken my frustration out on them.

But guess what? The thought never crossed my mind today! Why? I have learned in the last year plus that some things you can’t control and when that is the case, I need to let go or let out a yell. Letting go is a harder choice, but is always better. So today, I let go of the frustration. I let go of the disappointment in myself that I didn’t plan better. I let go of the high expectations of myself and I said, “It will be what it will be, do not let it ruin your day and especially don’t let it eat you alive.”

Because honestly, before this Challenge, it truly, madly, deeply would have. I would have dwelled and dwelled and been cranky all day. I wouldn’t have enjoyed a great workout. I wouldn’t have enjoyed building a pool out of Legos with my son. I wouldn’t have enjoyed actually going to a pool with my sons. I wouldn’t have laughed as much as I did at my life tonight when the house felt like a circus and my husband and I were the spectators, not the ringmasters!

Oh my gosh, not dwelling was SO FREEING and I truly believe I have made a lot of progress on “this skill” because of learning to not yell; because of forcing myself to realize what triggers me and to fix it. It feels so good to let go of frustration and not unleash it on my kiddos! Is a little bit of me still annoyed and disappointed and worried y’all will be mad? Of course. Because I care, immensely. Please don’t take my excitement that I let go the wrong way J and please know that I am sending an email every few hours to get things working. Oh, and please know that I will figure this all out and we will get rocking on our journey to yell less and love more.

But until then, I toot my Rhino horn for letting go! TOOT!

“30 Days to Yelling Less Project” Round 3! Sign up by Sunday, June 2nd at 5:00 E.S.T.

NOTE: I am so glad that you have found this blog post! I have CLOSED registration for this Project. Please join my Facebook Page at www.facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino or follow my blog to see when I lead another one. Thank you for your interest and best of luck on your journey to yelling less! 

Many of you have asked me to lead another “30 Days to Yelling Less Project.” Oh have I been wanting to but the timing just hasn’t been right. Well now is the time! School is about to get out for many of our children, which means more time spent together and more opportunities to have fun together and more opportunities to practice not yelling! I for one know that I love the summer but that all the togetherness can be overwhelming at times; this is the perfect time for me to look at my own triggers again and set myself up for a “Yell Less, Love More” summer!

Here are the details about “The Orange Rhino’s 30 Days to Yelling Less Project.”

BACKGROUND:
When I first decided to commit to 365 days straight of not yelling I was overwhelmed. How on earth was I going to do just that? I didn’t know how to not yell, it had been a crutch for years; it was my go to! All I knew was that I truly, deeply wanted to stop yelling and that I needed support to do so. In the first few weeks, I found success not only with the help of The Orange Rhino™ Community but also in a few particular steps that I took, unknowingly. These steps, along with the support of others, helped me to get through day 1, and then day 5, day 10, day 30 all the way until day 365.

I know that many of you want to start The Challenge of committing to yell less but are intimidated by the enormity of it, by the stress of it, by the sheer commitment to it. I know many of you, like me, don’t know where to start!

So let me break it down for you. Let me help get you going on The Orange Rhino Challenge™ by walking you through the steps I took in the early stages. Let me spread it out over 30 days and help you YELL LESS AND LOVE MORE™. Let me lead you through my 3rd “30 Days to Yelling Less and Loving More Project.”

PROJECT DETAILS:

  • TIMING: The first day is this MONDAY, JUNE 3, 2013. The 30th day is Tuesday, July 2nd 
  •  SIGN UP: Sign up BY SUNDAY, JUNE 2nd at 5:00 EST — SIGN UP IS NOW CLOSED. 

Please note: If you have emailed me prior to May 29, 2013 about this challenge, you are all signed up! Read below for details, but you do not need to click on the above link and re-subscribe; all you have to do is get excited.

To ensure that you get the most out of the 30 days, I cannot take names after this date. I am so sorry – I want to set everyone up for as much success as possible and starting on Day 1 matters. If you do miss the deadline though, please do join the FB community at www.Facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino for tips, support, and news about a fall Challenge.

  • Every weekday morning (EST), and weekends when appropriate, I will email all participants inspirational quotes, thoughts/goals and actions for the day, for example, Day 1: Think about what moment made you realize you needed to stop yelling.
  • The 30 days are broken down into approximately 10 days of preparation/practice and 20 days of yelling less. I want everyone to feel successful – we all have enough stress on our plates to feel otherwise from this effort! The first 10 days are there to set everyone up for as much success and positive feelings as possible!

OTHER KEY POINTS:

  • I encourage you to join our Facebook page www.Facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino so that you can share about your successes and get support from others. I also encourage you to write in the private blog posts included in the daily emails. Sharing is the key part – this is where we can all learn from each other and support each other. Most likely, this is where you will realize you are NOT ALONE.
  • As this is only the 3rd time I have ever done this (and as I am NOT a professional,) we will adjust how I help you accordingly!

The simple part is how this will work. The hard part is well, the work; it’s challenging ourselves to change. It’s accepting that you might have to look deep at yourself, not your kids, to stop yelling. Or more eloquently put:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”
~Viktor E. Frankl

Or as one of my favorite authors said:

“Things do not change; we change.”
~ Henry David Thoreau

Change is hard. It can be scary and intimidating. And changing a bad habit can be an out right pain the a*s. But this change is worth it. The upside is enormous: a more peaceful life, less mama guilt, a stronger, more trusting and loving relationship with your kids, greater self awareness, a lighter heart, or the list goes on and on. But don’t let me tell you what I’ve gained, go gain it all for yourself and tell me about how you are YELLING LESS AND LOVING MORE on July 2nd, 2013.

Am I an expert who knows what the heck she is doing with this idea? NOPE. (Let me make sure I spelled that right. N.O.P.E.) But I am going to try my hardest to share with you what I did and break down learning not to yell into really easy, simple, steps. And I am going to keep all my fingers and toes crossed that it helps you!

 

“30 Days to Yelling Less Project” Round 2 — sign up by 9:00am EST on 2/22/13

***Back by popular demand! There has been much interest in a 2nd “30 Days to Yelling Less Project” so here are the details for it!” If you have emailed me prior to tonight about this challenge, you are all signed up! Read below for details, but you do not need to email me. Get excited!***

When I first decided to commit to 365 days straight of not yelling I was overwhelmed. How on earth was I going to do just that? I didn’t know how to not yell, it had been a crutch for years, it was my go to! All I knew was that I truly, deeply wanted to stop yelling and that I needed support to do so. In the first few weeks, I found success not only with the help of The Orange Rhino Community but also in a few particular steps that I took, unknowingly. These steps, along with the support of others, helped me to get through day 1, and then day 5, day 10, day 30 all the way until day 365.

I know that many of you want to start The Challenge of committing to yell less but are intimidated by the enormity of it, by the stress of it, by the sheer commitment to it. I know many of you, like me, don’t know where to start!

 So let me break it down for you. Let me help get you going on The Orange Rhino Challenge by walking you through the steps I took in the early stages. Let me spread it out over 30 days and help you YELL LESS AND LOVE MORE.

Let me lead you through my 2nd “30 Days to Yelling Less and Loving More Project.” Here are the details!

 

 

  • It officially starts this MONDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2013. The 30th day is March 26th.
  • To participate email me at theorangerhinochallenge@gmail.com by Friday morning, February 22nd, 9:00 am EST. Please put “30 DAY CHALLENGE – SIGN ME UP” in the subject so I can easily add you to the list! I know many of you might see this blog post after the deadline. I need to keep to this deadline in order to get everyone in the email list on time but please, if you miss the deadline, join our FB community in the meanwhile until I announce another group!
  • Every weekday morning (EST), and weekends when appropriate, I will email all participants inspirational quotes, thoughts/goals and actions for the day, for example, Day 1: Think about what moment made you realize you needed to stop yelling.
  • The 30 days are broken down into 10 days of preparation/practice and 20 days of yelling less. I want everyone to feel successful – we all have enough stress on our plates to feel otherwise from this effort! The first 10 days are there to set everyone up for as much success and positive feelings as possible!
  • I encourage you to join our Facebook page www.Facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino so that you can share about your successes and get support from others. I also encourage you to write in the private blog posts included in the daily emails. Sharing is the key part – this is where we can all learn from each other and support each other. Most likely, this is where you will realize you are NOT ALONE.
  • As this is only the 2nd time I have ever done this, we will adjust how I help you accordingly!

The simple part is how this will work. The hard part is well, the work; it’s challenging ourselves to change. It’s accepting that you might have to look deep at yourself, not your kids, to stop yelling. Or more eloquently put:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”~ Viktor E. Frankl

Or as one of my favorite authors said:

Things do not change; we change. “~ Henry David Thoreau

Change is hard. It can be scary and intimidating. And changing a bad habit can be an out right pain the a*s. But this change is worth it. The upside is enormous: a more peaceful life, less mama guilt, a stronger, more trusting and loving relationship with your kids, greater self awareness, a lighter heart, or the list goes on and on. But don’t let me tell you what I’ve gained, go gain it all for yourself and tell me about how you are YELLING LESS AND LOVING MORE on March 26th, 2013.

Am I an expert who knows what the heck she is doing with this idea? NOPE. (Let me make sure I spelled that right. N.O.P.E.) But I am going to try my hardest to share with you what I did and break down learning not to yell into really easy, simple, steps. And I am going to keep all my fingers and toes crossed that it helps you!

P.S. To all of you who have participated in Round 1. Many of the the actions and steps will be the same. I have, however, changed the order a bit and shortened the practice part. AND if you have already emailed me, I have you on the list! Don’t worry!

I will not yell at you, I love you.

345 days without yelling, 20 days of loving more to go!

Dear Parenting Magazine,

Hold the press! Don’t run that article, I lied. My son DOES listen to me. And not only does he listen to me, but he gets it.  He totally gets The Orange Rhino Challenge, he gets the not yelling thing. Oh, this year has not been for naught. Woot!!

Cheers,
The Orange Rhino

*

Is there a real article coming out? No. That’s just a dream of mine.

Does my son sometimes not listen to me? Yes. That’s reality. He’s a kid. Wait, he’s a person. I don’t always listen either you know.

But has he been paying attention, has he been taking in all this Orange Rhino stuff, has he watched me learn to handle anger more calmly, has he listened to me at least some? OH YES. How do I know? Check out this sweet little story from yesterday. I am smiling ear to ear just thinking of it. And maybe stamping my rhino feet in excitement too.

It was bedtime. I had settled one half of my fraternity into sweet slumber and headed towards #1’s room to give him a gentle heads up that lights out was coming. He started to get all huffy puffy. I knew what was coming. A big ‘ole holler. An “I hate bedtime! I never get enough time with you! I don’t want to go to bed yet!!!!! ARGHHHHH!”

I inhaled. I waited and waited and waited. The yell never came. Huh? Then I saw him grab a book, squint at me and start to take aim. Oh, maybe it was coming? Maybe the book was gonna get tossed at me in disgust? Nope.

“Mommy” he grimaced.
“Yes?”
“I’m angry. Really angry with you. And I really want to yell. But I won’t. Because I love you.”

HELLO LITTLE ORANGE RHINO!

Photo: vh1.com

I love you too! And I am so proud of you! This small exchange was such a huge accomplishment for both of us, especially for him. My darling #1 is beautifully emotional and is working on reigning in the emotions that sometimes turn ugly. This was the first time he actually succeeded at doing so. Oh, this was such a win. Such a win. I was grinning when I started writing this and now tears are falling. I am just so very proud of him.

You know, there have been so many times on this journey that I wished I started my challenge earlier. If only I think. If only I started four years ago then I wouldn’t have taught my boys to yell at me, to yell at each other. If only I learned to say out loud “I will stay calm” years ago then I wouldn’t be plagued with the thought “it’s too late, I already taught them to yell, I can’t undo it.”

But clearly, it isn’t. It isn’t too late. And I should know this. Because I have taught myself to change. It wasn’t too late for me, it isn’t too late for him, for any of my boys. I can help them change today, this moment, any moment I choose. I can continue to teach by example. And I most certainly will.

And I will most certainly continue talking out loud as an alternative to not yelling.
I will continue to say:

“I love you, I don’t want to yell.”
“I need your help, can you please help me clean up so I don’t lose my cool?”

And I will continue talking to myself, which by the way I do OFTEN. I talk to myself so much that my head spins but it has helped me through so many tough moments when I have wanted to yell. So many. I say,

“I will not yell. I will not yell. I will be calm.”
“I can do this.”
“I’m exhausted, but I will not yell.” And
“Hey Orange Rhino, enough already. Stop being a crabby biatch.” (That’s a personal favorite. HA!)

Oh, there is so much I will continue doing when this year is over. But mostly, I will continue believing that I can not yell. I will continue believing that it is not too late to teach my children to not yell. My son chose love last night over anger and as the one on the receiving end of that love, I can say it felt great. So yeah, I will also continue believing that LOVE TRUMPS ANGER.

 

“30 Days to Yelling Less” Project

341 days without yelling, 24 days of loving more to go!

****Today’s date is January 17th, 2013. Due to massive interest I will take names of additional people interested up until end of day Friday, January 18th. After that date please still email me and I will sign you up for the next go around if there is enough interest!****

Dear Orange Rhinos new and old,

I have a couple of big projects on my to-do list that I have been staring at for months. Months. The problem? I just can’t seem to get started. The projects feel daunting. I just don’t know what to do first so instead I do nothing, which makes me feel overwhelmed and well, I think you know how the cycle goes. It can be a tough cycle to break and sometimes I need my hubby, or mom or friend to break it for me. Sometimes, I just need help getting going and that almost always means I need help breaking the big scary projects down into smaller achievable tasks.

You know, an elephant once taught me on “Word World” that when you have a big word to spell, take things “Bit by Bit” and it all becomes easier. Oh what a wise elephant! I know I never would have gotten here to 341 days of not yelling if my family and friends hadn’t helped me break my Challenge down “Bit by Bit” in the early days. And I know that many of you want to start The Challenge but are intimidated by the enormity of it, by the stress of it, by the sheer commitment to it, by the 12 steps I shared (read here). But please, don’t let that hold you back.

Let me break down down this daunting task of learning not to yell for you. Let me help get you going on The Orange Rhino Challenge by walking you through the steps I followed bit-by-bit. Let me spread it out over 30 days and help you YELL LESS AND LOVE MORE.

Let me guide you through my “30 Days to Yelling Less and Loving More” project:

  • It officially starts this WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16, 2013. The 30th day is Valentines’ Day!
  • The GOALS are to (1) help you learn to yell LESS and (2) help you get enough success and self-awareness that when the 30 days are over you have the confidence to keep going
  • To participate email me at theorangerhinochallenge@gmail.com by Tuesday night, January 15th, 10:00 EST.
  • Between now and then please share this with your friends…trust me, you need their support!
  • Every morning (EST) I will email all participants thoughts, quotes, or goals for the day, for example, Day 1: Think about what moment made you realize you needed to stop yelling. Day 2: How interested are you in changing? When the going gets tough, will you quit? (Don’t worry, we won’t just jump into not yelling right away. We will SLOWLY prepare for the practicing of not yelling first. This is the part no one takes time to do; this is the biggest help I think I can be to you, helping you do the groundwork so less yelling is easier.)
  • Every night I will post on my Facebook Page http://www.Facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino asking people to share what they learned or thought about that day. This is the key part – this is where we can all learn from each other and support each other. Most likely, this is where you will realize you are NOT ALONE.
  • As this is the first time I have ever done this, we will adjust how I help you accordingly!

The simple part is how this will work. The hard part is well, the work; it’s challenging ourselves to change. It’s accepting that you might have to look deep at yourself, not your kids, to stop yelling. Or more eloquently put:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~ Viktor E. Frankl

Or as one of my favorite authors said:

Things do not change; we change.“ ~ Henry David Thoreau

Change is hard. It can be scary and intimidating. And changing a bad habit can be an out right pain the a*s. But this change is worth it. The upside is enormous: a more peaceful life, less mama guilt, a stronger, more trusting and loving relationship with your kids, greater self awareness, a lighter heart, or the list goes on and on. But don’t let me tell you what I’ve gained, go gain it all for yourself and tell me about how you are YELLING LESS AND LOVING MORE on February 14th, 2013.

YOU CAN DO THIS. You totally can do this. What are you waiting for? Email me!

Am I an expert who knows what the heck she is doing with this idea? NOPE. (Let me make sure I spelled that right. N.O.P.E.) But I am going to try my hardest to break learning not to yell into really easy, simple, steps. And I am going to keep all my fingers and toes crossed that it helps you.