Orange Rhino Revelations

Here are some of the major revelations I have had on my Orange Rhino Challenge to Yell Less and Love More. I daily use these revelations to help me keep my yelling at bay. When I find myself heating up, I often think of at least one of these revelations to help ground me and keep me from losing it. Note an emphasis on at least as sometimes I need to think of more!

I need, need, need to take care of me so that I can take care of my boys without yelling.

I yelled at my kids because I could, because they can’t yell back and hurt my feelings.

Yelling only makes things worse; it takes a small problem and makes it even larger.

Kids aren’t just kids, they are people too and like me, they don’t like to be yelled at.

Not yelling benefits more than my kids, but also it benefits my marriage and me personally. 

Yelling might work in the moment, but yelling doesn’t work long term.

 

25 thoughts on “Orange Rhino Revelations

  1. I feel so relieved since I read about your challenge. Thank you for coming out about all, the yelling, the non yelling when others are observing. I have tried everyday for the last months not to yell, I go feeling very bad to bed and making promises to my daughter and myself, and at one point or the other I find myself again falling for it the next day. And I hate myself for that. I know I would grab my child out of any situation where I saw an adult yelling at her like I do sometimes. So why should I? And I recognise everytime that it is because I am stressed and tired and not because of her. Your alternatives made me laugh and see there is a solution. Will print them out and start my 30 day challenge. This comes just right in time. I would hug you if I could! 😉

    • Welcome! I am so glad to hear that you found this blog. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, there are alternatives and hope 🙂 you can do this!!!

    • i am right there with you. i do well for a few days and then i lose it, yell and feel terrible. i was raised by parents who yelled. i am doing better than they did with me, but i would like to done with yelling all together. i see how my kids yell at each other now and it feels so much less than awesome. so many times i have felt that gut wrenching shame of closeted parental rage. (i am such a good parent in front of others). i actually pretend i’m being watched so i will parent like i’m in public when i’m at home. anyway, i’m going for this. diving in!!! thanks!!!

    • I Had a horrible day yelling at my kids today. I am lying in bed crying that I keep doing this. I keep promising them I will stop yelling, only to start again the very next day. The guilt is overwhelming. Tonight I found your blog. I’m so happy I did. Recently I decorated my house in a ton of orange! This is a sign from God. I’m taking your challenge. Tomorrow morning I’m going to tell the kids that my (our) challenge is a 60 day challenge that ends at Halloween!! The orange holiday !! I know I can do this. I have to do this. My kids are 8 (almost 9) and 6. They need a better mom. They deserve to not be yelled at!

      • I’m glad to read this as I thought I was the only ine doing this horrible thing tog kids… And feeling like you well described, I used to cry myself to sleep, but the online BootCamp and these readings help a lot. Hugs and more hugs to you.

  2. This blog is brilliant. Thank you!
    I’m starting my own challenge tomorrow. I’m going to spend the next week writing down the moments when I need to yell and what triggers them and then I can work on fixing them and I figured that would give me some perspective, not only when looking through it after, but in the moment too. I’m going to start with a 30 day challenge, and if I can do that I will go for 365. I’ve been trying to be more positive with my parenting for a while now but I keep falling into the same bad habits and no matter how many books and blogs I read it didnt make a difference. I knew what I wanted, but in the moment all the coping mechanisms I thought I had learnt just disappeared from my head. I was brought up in a very negative environment, lots of yelling and being mean and although its no excuse its definitely a habit that is hard to break when its been there your whole life. I know I’m not as bad as my parents for losing my temper but I do it more than I would like. Since finding your Facebook page a few days ago and spending some time looking through it I can already feel a change in my attitude thanks to the wonderful way you approach the challenge. It makes me believe it is possible for me too. Thankyou for the inspiration.

  3. So I’ve figured out my stressors. I yell when I’m tired, frustrated or in a rush. I have gone three days without yelling at my kids, though last night I yelled at two separate class-mates (grad student) when they were trying to convince me a change in our program wasn’t that big of a deal. It clearly was to me. Before the change I would be done with classes in two months… now it will be mid-fall before I am done. I lost it in class. I feel like I was at a 6. Others tried to tell me it wasn’t that bad, but I think it was. I felt out of control, like I was seriously loosing it. I do take solace in the fact my household has been much nicer to be in because even when I am stressed or frustrated I’ve been working very hard to keep it together. Thanks for the challenge, it’s been much needed. And it’s been much appreciated by my family members.

  4. so glad my friend posted this blog, its really great – today was Day 1 without yelling down. i know that i have a yelling problem when i feel out of control, when i am hungry or when i am in a hurry. i’ve had a quick temper all my life and i need to work on that esp. for the people who matter the most to me.

  5. Thank you! I am so happy to have found you and the Orange Rhino Challenge. I feel relieved already just knowing I’m not in this alone. I hate that pit in my stomach after losing control and yelling at my kids. It is a sickening feeling and I hate it. I am encouraged and excited to take your challenge and to create a calmer, happier home and family. Thank you!

  6. ok so 5 days into this challenge I would say I was successful on not yelling 2 out of 5 days. However, I am quite happy with an incident that occurred just today! Even when I did start to get upset. Trigger… homework time with child. But today I walked away and let my 10 year old have his ‘tantrum’ … while I took deep breaths, played on fb (should have read Orange Rhino blogs…), and kept breathing when he’s in the same room yelling at me, crying, telling me “no” he was not doing his math.. Unfortunately, I still said a couple of wrong things… However, the calming feeling was there…

  7. I read your other blog post (which I can’t seem to locate right now) But it had me in tears, I had a friend on FB share the link and it caught my eye. It was like it was meant for me to read. Lately I have been feeling bad for yelling at my kids. Girl- 4, Boy- 2.5, along with a newborn. they are a handful and I yell at them everyday. It breaks my heart. It makes me feel like vomiting but sometimes they just don’t listen. I know it’s going to be hard to stop yelling and change my ways but I had a wake up call yesterday when someone else was yelling at my child and I burst into tears and I realized that if I felt like that when someone was yelling at my child – how does my child feel when I’m the one yelling. I find myself saying mean things, maybe even using curse words. My poor poor babies. I want them to love me because I’m great- not because they are afraid of me. Plus I don’t want them to end up hating me. Sometimes I’m under so much stress with three kids, money issues, other family issues, I’m tired or don’t feel well and it unfortunately gets taken out on them. I can’t stop crying and my heart won’t stop hurting until I know I’m doing better by my kids. They are really the smartest, sweetest, most creative little people I know and I have to start seeing that more. Encourage them more. Inspire them more. LOVE them more for who they are and what they do- good or bad. Your blog has inspired me to better myself. Thanks for sharing.

    • I could not have written a more accurate post than this one. I feel horrible mommy guilt everyday, about everything. I read quite a few of these blogs and cried at every one, because I feel these feelings, I do these things to my kids, and I am not alone in wanting to change. I have courage now. I can change.

    • Wow, this describes me to a T. It actually made me cry to know that I am not alone. I am so sick of going to bed every night swearing I will be a better parent the next day. My husband does nothing but sing my praises and I just can’t accept them because all I do is think about how I yelled at them or said mean things. It breaks my heart every night and I vow to do better each day and the cycle continues. This site is exactly what I need. I didn’t yell at all this morning so today is the day, change is coming!

    • AMEN!! I can’t stop crying every word you said is how I feel everyday!!! My kids are 9 &10, now they are starting to yell at each other all the time. When I hear the things that come out of my daughters mouth–it hurts my heart SO BAD–because it is ME!!! This is an incredible BLOG & I can’t believe I am not alone. I am soo tired of crying & hating myself!! I started this challenge about 2 weeks ago & I can honestly say, the first 3 days were great but after that I started screaming again!

  8. Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I came across your link on Pinterest. Normally, I never comment on any of these sites, but your challenge has changed my/our lives. It has only been three short days and already we are enjoying the benefits of not yelling. I raised my voice yesterday, and as i did, i stopped myself and proclaimed that i needed a timeout! 4 mins later we were all better for it. Its not easy, and yes i will raise my voice in the future. However, with the knowledge you have shared and the tools you have provided, I know we/I will be able to stick to our goal of no yelling and respect for all. I knew things were bad, but I had no idea how bad until it started getting better. Thanks for helping me get back to how I envision our lives together- respectful, obedient, and HAPPY!!!!!! God Bless

  9. I am 50 days in and ready to quit. Anxiety about my kids behavior and worrying about what others are saying about them has me ready to crack. This last week has me so irritable, impatient and out of sorts so much I want to scream. At them. I was doing so well, what’s happening? 50 days….I don’t want to start over…yesterday I raised my voice it was so close to a yell…shocked myself, realized it is too daunting to go back to day 1 now. Falling off the orange rhino wagon..so angry and discouraged. Why can’t they just behave? Why do others have to judge?

  10. Day 2 (or Day 1.5, since our one-on-one time yesterday was almost non-existent)

    Every second with him is intentional and I am constantly focused on the tone and volume of my voice before I even open my mouth. I’m remembering the moment I realized I had to change, and visualizing how ugly I looked and mean I sounded. I’m remembering the demoralized look on his face, his splotchy skin from uncontrollable sobbing that I’d caused, and the guilt that flooded me afterward.

    I have been successful so far today. I’ve talked myself down and managed to keep my voice controlled and steady when he was pushing my buttons. I was an adult. I did not let him “get away” with poor behavior but I handled it nobly and without yelling. I am proud of myself. It is 11:46 a.m.

    I can do this. I can change.

    • “Every second with him is intentional and I am constantly focused on the tone and volume of my voice before I even open my mouth. ”
      I love this .. it is a key !!!

  11. – Not yelling benefits more than my kids, it benefits me and my marriage too

    I find myself not just yelling at my kids but my husband too. At night I just think how ugly and unattractive my facial expressions must have been and wonder how my husband could ever think I am attractive after such an ugly scene

    I need to make a commitment to not only not yell at my kids but to stop yelling at my husband

  12. I read your blog a few months ago when my 2 year old was having the worst tantrums, obviously I thought this was a phase we would both get over…it hasnt passed and if anything he knows how to push my buttons even more now (he’s almost 3). My 1st son had his tantrums but only dealing with 1 was so much easier. Well I’ve lost it over the past couple of weeks and my oldest (6years) recently told me I was mean. I’m ready to change and enjoy my boys the way they deserve, best part my husband is doing the challenge with me!!! Thank you for posting your honesty!

  13. I am so relieved to have found this site. Terrible night tonight – husband is out of town, I am recovering from surgery, and I completely lost it with my 3 boys tonight over them not getting their chores done. I requested, then nagged, then yelled – and laid a guilt trip on them. Some days I look back on my behavior and feel I’m more of a child than my children. My youngest is starting to hurt himself (pinching, smacking his head) because he feels so bad about himself over my yelling, and my oldest told me tonight very calmly that I’m not a great mom. No, I am a great mom…when I’m not yelling over ridiculous things. I grew up in a violent home with a lot of anger, and it’s unfair to put that on my own kids – that should’t be their childhood.
    Tomorrow I am going to go buy some orange paraphanalia to place around the house. Thank you for giving me hope and know I am not alone.

  14. I like many of the moms that have posted have struggled with yelling. A few months back I started a no yell day, one day at a time. Was successful probably for about one week. Sunday I came across a post on fb with an article on the affects of yelling on kids which led me to your website. I got so excited! I didn’t feel alone anymore and you were someone who actually accomplished what I have struggled to do. I am feeling so hopeful and thankful. Today is day two of my personal challenge of Orange Rhino No Yell Day. I am thankful to report I have been yell free for these two days. I have told my husband and kids about your sight and what you have shared. I copied the list of 100 yelling alternatives, read about what no yelling means and have been telling my friends about it. My kids are joking with me and rolling their eyes at me as I beat my chest like tarzan and try the other alternatives to yelling but I can tell they like it and are rooting for me too succeed. I’ve been more mindful of my tone and have calmed myself down when feeling frustrated, ( I don’t want to start back at 0. :-)) Taking it one day at a time. I am thankful to God for helping you overcome and for you sharing your journey to give people like me hope.

  15. I am a normal mom to extraordinary child. My daughter is 8 years old, and like most children her age, she has perfected the tantrums. I have perfected the yell “(. But let’s go back a few years… when my daughter was 14 months old. we found a cancerous lesion on her chest, doctors said she had been born with it, and it continued to grow, they were scared it bad matastisized…they decided she needed surgery to remove it, only then could they know exactly what they were dealing with…she had the surgery and did great…the doctors said after surgery that it had NOT matastisized as previously feared and that after radiation and chemo if no more lesions presented itself and she tested negative they would declare cancer free! We did radiation and a round of chemo treatments… afterwards the doctors tested and declared her officially cancer free at 22 months. we found comfort in knowing this ordeal was over and we got comfortable knowing we had a healthy child. as she grew into her own little person her personality got more animated and she developed her own indelendence so did her defiance…. that’s when I found “my voice” I yelled all the time, I hated myself for it… I yelled over the little things…. then one day when my daughter started to complain of pain in her legs and developed unexplained bruising….the fear flooded back and we had another cancer scare (fortunately they said she was still cancer free and chalked the pains up to her growing and the bruises up to her being a bit clumsy)but for me reality hit ….really hard….. all this defiant behavior is her growing into her own little person, a little person we weren’t sure would even make it just 8 short months before…. I thought of how sad life would be without her, how I would miss seeing her grow, hearing her “I lub yewws” and her precious cuddles I loved so much..the bright smile I lived for.it all made me think, that my time with her is so precious and is still not a guarentee. As she continues to grown and has done so into a thriving healthy 8 year old it has gotten harder to squash my anger at her tantrums…..until I found The Orange Rhino…its become increasingly easier for me to find the good in every situation, and the ability to find an alternative to yelling when I can’t quite see the light in the situation. Thank you so much for giving me the ability to appreciate the life my child has been blessed to keep….I can’t promise to never yell but I can promise its a working progress with more successes than failures thanks to y’all…. I knew I needed to change, I knew I was taking advantage of the blessing of my daughter’s life….thank you for giving me the utensils I needed to become a stronger, happier mom, and for helping me have a happy nearly yell free relationship with my daughter….when I struggle I vow to always seek the encourgment and advice of those who are stronger than me in my moments of weakness.I also vow to be the strength and advice for someone else in their moment of weakness!!! Than you for the hope ,the strength and the love, but most of all for the realization that it IS possible to enjoy this journey through motherhood without blowing my gaskets!!

  16. Hi I am so glad I found your website and blog as I am starting to loose my voice from yelling at my girls and I hate it so much I end up crying, both my girls are great and I want better for them 🙂
    thank you so much for sharing all this and I will be starting the challenge tomorrow and getting orange stuff in the house 🙂 I have also shared it on my Facebook with all my friends 🙂
    thank you again Emma xx

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