Where The Orange Rhino Went, Part 1: Internet Wins

Posted on November 10, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

A little more about why I disappeared from The Orange Rhino…as you read this vulnerable, unedited, quickly written story, please remember…You all know that I am brutally honest with you – about my ups, my downs, the in-betweens and that I share my stories and random thoughts in hopes of inspiring you, making you feel less alone, and helping you on your own journey to stop yelling. I do not do it for pity/attention/or to make you think terribly about me. Story below will clarify why this statement is here. Anywho, onwards…

* * *

When I started The Orange Rhino, my confidence in sharing everything was fine. I felt okay doing that. I knew it helped others not feel alone. Then my book came out and some not nice things were said about me / my struggles and that confidence took a hit. Big time. I think one of the things I read somewhere was, “Wow, she is really screwed up.” Another one, “she’s just a mom, no degree.” (That comment needs a whole post dedicated to it. Is there really such a thing as “just a mom?” Um….no!) Numerous people (who didn’t even read my book) jumped on the yelling less bandwagon and backhandedly bashed me for not being able to completely stop yelling and how ridiculous my goal was in the first place (to go an entire year.)

People made judgments about me without fully knowing my story, my insights, my conclusions. I had been completely vulnerable – and okay doing so – and then I got shamed/slammed/insulted for being so.

I am proudly an Orange Rhino – a parent who when provoked, calmly charges forward with confidence and warmth and not harsh words – but I don’t have the thick skin of a Rhino.

The personal attacks were very hard to receive. That is an understatement. Some days I cried. There is one that I don’t share that still bothers me – how many years later? Words hurt, folks. Period. I know that big picture, I could ignore these words. They were “just words” and I knew my truths. But, the words hurt so much that made it hard to access that mature part of my mind, the confident part of my mind, the determined go get ’em Orange Rhino part of my mind (as my mom calls it.) I would cry to my mom and she would said, “What would The Orange Rhino do? What would she say?” I couldn’t even access it. I didn’t want to.

I went from being excited to be The Orange Rhino to not wanting anything to do with it. The Orange Rhino went from a positive place for me to a negative one.

What didn’t help was that there were several other difficult things going on in my life so I didn’t have the energy to challenge myself to think like The Orange Rhino. So all the negative comments I read, they just kept churning in my mind. They became imprinted. I never fully processed them or accepted them so that I could put them behind me.

I have tried over the last six months or so to process the comments because I was tired of them renting space in my head and because I wanted to somehow find my way back to being The Orange Rhino. I made progress, because, well, here I am.

But here’s the thing…those comments? They weren’t verbal. They were posted on the ever-loving-Internet forever to be seen, forever to be accidentally stumbled upon in a google search. I can’t escape them.

Which brings me to yesterday.

I have been trying to do some Orange Rhino stuff and it is hard for me, because again, can’t escape the comments. Yesterday, I stumbled upon one of the comments, the most hurtful one. Immediately, negative thoughts raced through my head:

Maybe I shouldn’t have returned?
Maybe those people were right?
Maybe they are better than me?
Maybe I don’t have anything to offer?

(Insert insecure comment here: you might be thinking, for real, this is her response to some negative comments? The answer is yes, being publicly shamed for being brave and being you, sucks.)

I felt my body shrinking at the computer. I suddenly felt tired. I wanted to just stop and give up and walk away. Fortunately, I needed to do just that because my kids needed to be picked up I got into my totally awesome minivan, and the radio came on. And I kid you not, the lyrics that belted through the radio?

“I’m unstoppable…

I’m invincible…

I’m so powerful…

I’m so confident…

Yeah, I’m unstoppable today

…

Unstoppable today

I’m unstoppable today

Break down, only alone I will cry out loud

You’ll never see what’s hiding out

Hiding out deep down

Yeah, yeah

I know, I’ve heard that to let your feelings show

Is the only way to make friendships grow

But I’m too afraid now

Yeah, yeah

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am

I put my armor on, I’ll show you that I am

I’m unstoppable ”

(Song: Unstoppable by Sia)

I mean, for real?! This song came on and started at the precise moment when “I’m Unstoppable” was first heard?

I never read the lyrics until this morning. And holy shit. Did they hit hard.

So here I am. Afraid to share, but armor on. I will keep trying to charge forward with confidence and be strong and share – because I want to. I truly want to. I will have ups and downs. That is life.

But I’m Unstoppable.

I won’t let negative comments take me down.

(Okay, I don’t totally believe that. But it came off of my fingers tips so clearly my mind WANTS to believe that. So I will try to. Perhaps you can too?)

I’m Unstoppable. So are you. You want to stop yelling at your kids? I believe you can. I believe it is possible. I know it is possible. You are Unstoppable.

Thanks for reading,
The Orange Rhino

(Apparently fighting amongst siblings who are now awake is also Unstoppable so off I go…no editing, just hitting Post because otherwise, I never will.)

“Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too!” available on Amazon

Audiobook coming January 2023! Pre-order available

You are a Good Parent!

Posted on November 4, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

If you are feeling like a bad parent, please read!

Recently while scrolling, I saw some “quote” made all visually pretty with the sentiment of: “A child’s behavior doesn’t indicate a good/bad parent, it’s the parent’s behavior that does.” The first half of the statement I agree with it’s the second half that really got under my skin. It hit a nerve. It pissed me off. Perhaps I felt personally attacked because sometimes my behavior is not ideal. But here’s the thing…

ORANGE RHINOS:

We will all make mistakes.

We will all have moments where our behavior is less than, even lower than less than.

We will all have moments when we are triggered and overreact in a poor way because maybe, just maybe, that moment brought up something from our past that we didn’t know was an issue so how could we prepare for it or even work through it prior to that moment?

We will all have moments when we behave in exactly the way we don’t want our children to because we are STILL learning and growing…and because we are freakin’ human.

We will all have moments where we shock ourselves with our behavior, perhaps embarrass ourselves with our behavior (again, we are all human.)

We will all have moments where we simply had a bad day, a bad phone call, a bad interaction, and didn’t have enough time to re-group before a parenting moment that required us to be at our calmest and most collected…and we will snap, or yell, or just be grouchy or rude.

These “bad behavior” moments DO NOT, and I repeat, do NOT mean we are bad parents. PERIOD. I screw up all the time. I have had moments that I am so not proud of. I have seen my kids reflect my behavior and it does make me cringe. But I am not sitting here intentionally screwing up. I am standing here, doing my freakin’ best, working on my areas of improvement as a parent.

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual for how to take care of a kid and likewise we weren’t given a manual that said: Here are your behaviors that you will struggle with, here is how to manage them and overcome them so that when you are a parent, your behavior will be perfect. If you got that manual, awesome! I, however, as I am sure many parents will agree, did not.

So yeah, I have some behaviors that aren’t ideal for parenting, that I wish I didn’t “show” my kids and that therefore didn’t “show up” in their behavior. But I am working on it…and oh, my working on my “bad behavior” is also showing my kids some good behaviors:

Determination

Self-Awareness

Self-Care

Commitment to personal growth

Relationship skills (how to apologize and own behavior)

Kindness (to myself, after the fact)

…

and

…

Strength to Charge through obstacles with Confidence

Orange Rhinos don’t just yell less at their kids…they have strength and courage to charge through obstacles with confidence and determination. It isn’t easy identifying parts of ourselves that we would like to change – and it isn’t easy doing it. So kudos to all you parents put there doing just that!! In my book, you are a pretty, gosh darn good parent.

(sidebar: yes, they are actually some parenting behaviors that are horrid, i.e. abuse. This post does not apply to those behaviors. But I don’t think the quote I read was referring to those behaviors.)

Okay, rant and soap box over. Charge Forward with Courage and Confidence Orange Rhinos!

How I Stop My Cranky Moods so I Yell Less

Posted on September 15, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

(Audio version included!)

Y’all. Yesterday…yesterday was a crap day. Within ten minutes of waking up, I felt a storm coming. I am not talking about a weather storm (although I do always feel those comin’ in my knees….) Nope, I am talking about a cranky mood storm where I just feel off and can’t precisely figure out why so I end up snapping more and sometimes even yelling more than I like. I felt agitated. I couldn’t focus and when I could I wasn’t productive. I felt exhausted but knew I wasn’t tired. I didn’t have a pep in my step even though I had done the things that normally give me energy.

Although I didn’t know what the heck was going on with me, I knew for certain that if I didn’t get ahead of this storm and prevent it from happening (or at least tame it a bit), that it would end up hitting right around 5:00 when all four kids come home hungry, and overwhelmed with exhaustion and school work. And I knew for certain that my personal cranky mood would most likely spread to the boys (moods, good and bad, are contagious!) and that we would then go from a personal storm to a total, utter sh*t storm. This doesn’t even consider what moods they would be bringing home!

Obviously, a total utter sh*t storm was not desired. I can tolerate an average one, that is just expected around here 😉 but a total utter sh*t storm? No thanks. They suck.

I tried everything I could to ease my crankiness.

I went for a walk (nature is very soothing for me.)
I drank cold water (helps the nervous system amongst other things.)
I listened to happy music (seriously, listen to happy songs and try not to sing along.
I talked to my therapist (perfect day to have that scheduled!)
I sat outside in the sun and imagined a favorite vacation this summer (distraction.)
I made another cup of coffee because I love the smell of it and I hadn’t fully enjoyed my morning cup (find joy wherever)…and I used my favorite minions mug because it brings back happy memories with my boys.

BUT NOTHING WORKED.

Not only did I not want a sh*t storm later, but I didn’t like how I felt and I had so much to do and not being productive was just making me feel worse.

So I went to my back-up bag of tricks to ease my crankiness. I sat down and tried to write. Often when I write, my thoughts kind of sort themselves out. Folks, even this didn’t work! So now I was two levels into my “how-to-uncranky-myself” handbook. Onto the back-up, back-up. I went for another walk to “clear my mind.” No podcasts. No music. No dog to slow me down. Just the sounds around me.

My mind kept telling me, “Sheila, your mood is driven by that damn scale you stepped on this morning! You are working so hard to get healthy (another post) and you aren’t getting any positive feedback from the scale or anywhere. Progress pictures? Not helping. Measurements? Nope. Better mood? Okay mostly but not today. Looser clothes? As freakin’ if.

I wanted to hang my hat on this explanation for my cranky mood so that I could move forward, but I still felt unsettled. And then it hit.

The lack of perceived progress with my weight wasn’t the real issue (although it sure as hell wasn’t helping). The weight of parenting was – I just hadn’t fully allowed myself to process all that was going on with back to school.

The first two weeks of school have been a doozy, as they always are. This year though, there is an added layer (or a thousand) of worry. So, while I wasn’t tired yesterday per say, my mind and body were exhausted. My pep was gone because it has been in over drive supporting my kids. I was agitated because well, I love my kids and there is so much I want to do for them/with them to support them and to help them grow into wonderful adults and yet given the strain of the first two weeks, I was starting to wonder if I was getting any of the parenting thing right! AND if I would ever get it right or even close? (Because folks, there is NO complete right way to parent.)

The scale yesterday frustrated me because it didn’t give me positive feedback despite my hard work. This led to self-doubt and the desire to say f*ck it I won’t try so hard. Funny, parenting can be the same. Kids don’t necessarily give you feedback that your hard work is working. There is no guarantee that if you do everything “right,” they will be okay. There are moments, for sure, but they are fleeting. But that doesn’t mean we stop trying. It just means that we have to keep the faith.

And that we have to keep watching our own storms brewin’ so that we can be at our best for them when their storms brew…and hit!

Despite me having this huge moment of clarity on my walk – I still felt cranky. (Normally I feel lighter after such moments; knowing what’s up brings me peace because then I know I can at least make a plan to work through it.)

So, I went to my back-up, back-up, back-up bag of trips and reminded myself,

“It’s all good. Somedays are just hard. Just do your best to get through the day. Go to bed early. Tomorrow brings a new day.”

And I forewarned my kiddos, “Guys – mom is wicked cranky. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just me. So, I am going to try really hard to not snap but if I do, please just remember it isn’t you.”

It took A LOT to get through the evening because my boys brought home a lot with them! I relied on my original bag of tricks quite frequently – I would pop outside and take breaks, I drank cold water and instead of envisioning a warm, relaxing vacation…I envisioned bedtime 😉

And I listened to my current, favorite uplifting song “Keep the Beat.” The lyrics couldn’t be more perfect…

“All I can do when the road bends…is lean into the curve…and
All I can do…when the tanks run dry…is see what’s in the reserve.”

Orange Rhinos, somedays your reserve will be more full than others. But you always have a reserve – you just need to know when it is going to be needed and how to get there.

RELEVANT TAKE-AWAYS for your Orange Rhino journey to YELL LESS and LOVE MORE:

Do you know the physical signs in your body that a storm is brewin’?
Do you have a go-to set of things to try to head off the storm so it doesn’t grow?
Do you have a game plan for when all else fails?
And do you have a back-up for when the back-up doesn’t work?

Don’t fret if you don’t have the answers to any or all of the above, just pick one and ponder it…and remember, tomorrow brings a new day.

1st Day Back as The Orange Rhino!

Posted on September 7, 2022 by The Orange Rhino

Hello everyone!

Wow, it feels surreal to be sitting at a desk, typing a blog post again after almost three years (but really, closer to what, seven?) I have so much to say, to write, to explain, to explore, to admit, to face and to do!!!

Before I do that, I am going to very quickly get a few things out there.

To all NEW ORANGE RHINOS: Welcome! I will write more about me in upcoming days but for this post, most important things to know are:

I started The Orange Rhino in 2012. My book published in 2014. I sadly stopped regularly writing probably in 2015. (Here is my original story)
I have four sons, James, Edward, Andrew and Mac. When I started they were all under 5! Now they are almost 16 (holy shit), 14, 13 and 11. I essentially have four teenagers because Mac has the influence of three older brothers so…yeah, it is crazier in my house now than it was when I started. No joke. And I didn’t think that was even possible.

To all Original ORANGE RHINOS: Hi! Oh, how I have missed this community and the positive, supportive people in it. I have constantly struggled for the last seven years really feeling like I let you down by becoming quiet. But alas, I am back and I am ever so grateful you are still here.

And to everyone (myself included)…

Just take one step.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It doesn’t have to be fully planned.
It just has to be one step taking you in the direction that you want to go.
Just one step helping you become the person you want to be tomorrow (or shoot, even later today!)

Just one step towards your goal.

My goal right now, and I share it with all of you so that I can be held accountable, is to bring The Orange Rhino® back to life. I don’t know entirely what that looks like, or means, or how I am going to do that, but I do know that I just need to start and keep going, even when I feel unsure, insecure or overwhelmed. And most importantly…even when I feel like my plan isn’t perfectly outlined.

I have learned a lot about myself since I took a break from full-time commitment to The Orange Rhino®. A LOT. One of those things is that my need for a solid, clear plan/path to success actually kept me from achieving many of my personal goals. I haven’t DIDN’T start going after many of my goals or ideas because I didn’t feel like I had enough supports/resources/answers in place to succeed. Maybe if I figured out one more detail, then I would be guaranteed to succeed. Or wait, if I figured out just another detail after that, yes, then I would definitely succeed. Or better yet, what if I knew the answer to every single “what if…?” and knew every single to-do? Yes, then I would most definitely be set up to succeed!

If I am going to be honest with myself, my focus wasn’t just about guaranteeing success. It was also (more so) about guaranteeing that I didn’t fail. That I didn’t let myself down again. That I didn’t let others down again. That I didn’t get disappointed again. That I didn’t get hurt again. Ironically, all my over-preparation to succeed did just the opposite. I am not going to say I failed; I am moving away from that word that my brain apparently has a strong attraction to 😉 Instead, I am going all “elementary school poster” and saying that I had seven years of

First
Attempts
in
Learning

Learning about…
Myself.
What works for me, what doesn’t.
Who I am, who I am not.
Who I want to be, who I do not want to be.
What I yearn for, what I desperately fear.
What I love about myself, what I hate don’t really like so much about myself.

And learning that I need to just freakin’ start.

I don’t need all the details to move forward.
I just need one first step towards my goal and then the other steps will follow.
They might not come as fast as I wish; they might not go in the order I wish and they definitely won’t be executed as perfectly as I wish…but they will come….as I long as I just freakin’ start and keep going.

This is going to be very hard for me, the whole, no formal plan thing and putting out work that isn’t presented perfectly. But…I am gonna do it anyways. Because if I don’t start now, fear will come back and take over and I have had enough of sitting back and watching my goals pass me by.

So who is with me, just freakin’ starting going after a goal…even if hesitant, scared or doubtful?

As I take my first steps towards (1) bringing The Orange Rhino back to life and (2) being uncomfortable putting stuff out there that isn’t perfectly planned, I truly hope you take any first step towards your goal of yelling less and loving more. I will be here to support you, as will the community. Again, I don’t know all of my steps I will have in place to personally support you (and you know it is killin’ me that I don’t, but you know, charging forward anyways) but I do know that I will be reading my book again and will be doing another 30-Day Challenge. But don’t wait for all those details 😉 start today with one step.

Here is one simple(ish) step:

Tell someone you trust, who is supportive and non-judgmental, that you are working on being an Orange Rhino and yelling less and loving more. It’s okay if you haven’t downloaded all the resources from this site, or read my book, or read past blogs. Just start mentally getting excited for the wonderful change you are going to experience.

WE got this. Let’s freakin’ go!

Xoxo,
The Orange Rhino

Why am I Yelling So Much Lately?

Posted on November 11, 2019 by The Orange Rhino

I had been less than pleased with my yelling frequency lately so I had been pushing myself to figure out what was triggering me so much that I was unable to do what I know I needed to do (and could do) to stay calm in the tough moments.

I knew it wasn’t just because the kids weren’t listening (I mean sure, that is a trigger and is way annoying, but I knew it wasn’t just that.)

I knew it wasn’t because I was physically tired (I actually sleep now; game changer by the way.)

I knew it wasn’t because I wasn’t exercising or eating crappy foods. (I actually exercise now and eat crappy foods…less J)

I knew it wasn’t because of more obvious, “simple” and easy to manage triggers because I was struggling more than usual to keep it together.

I kept asking myself, “but why, why, why?” to dig deeper but all my digging led me to…nothing. No real, deeper answer. This gnawed and gnawed away at me, which for the record, didn’t help with the whole yelling less bit! My not knowing was a complete distraction (trigger); my not knowing made me personally cranky (trigger); and my not knowing made me mentally exhausted (trigger) because my brain was working over time looking for an answer.

Yeah, figuring out triggers can be a real pain the arse. But one beautiful fall day, it all became clear. (Cheezy, I know. But, the cheeziness is important. Stay with me.) I was out walking my puppy on a perfect fall day. The air was crisp. The leaves crunched beneath my feet. The sun shone brightly. There was not a car on the road; not a person walking near by jabbering. It was quiet. It was relaxing. It was peaceful.

I was just walking along, talking to no one, not listening to music, not doing a mental to-do list, when out of nowhere, clarity hit. (I read recently that boredom is important for the brain because it allows the mind to wander and be creative and problem solve – or something like that. I guess the article was right because my bored, at peace, brain problem solved the heck out of what my real big trigger was!)

I hadn’t set out on the walk intent to figure out this darn trigger. I just set out to get some steps in, some relaxation in (to prepare me to not yell when the kids barged in the door hours later), and some puppy potty-training in. So, it shocked the heck out of me when, bam, out of nowhere, my big trigger, that has been subconsciously bothering me for months, popped into my head, clear as the blue sky.

And that’s when my peaceful day turned dark.

When I realized what was really driving my yelling, the tears didn’t just fall. They poured. I got our puppy into the house (because god forbid any of my neighbors see me in my state!) and sat at the kitchen table with my head in my hands and bawled.

And bawled.

I pounded the table with my fists a few times too.

I asked why to the air, as if I would get an answer.

I shook.

I sobbed.

And then…and then…I finally breathed.

After all of my sobbing, I found myself exhaling.

My grey day turned peaceful again, and I felt like I had just taken a deep breath of that fresh, crisp, fall air that had only minutes ago made me feel so relaxed.

It wasn’t because I literally took a deep breath (you all know I hate taking actually deep breaths to relax!) it was because it physically felt so freakin’ good letting go and releasing so much built up pain, sadness and anger. Of course, my anger and pain didn’t go away, but the stress of holding it all in, did. I actually felt a sense of relief because I finally had crystal clear awareness of one of the big triggers that had been causing me to yell.

Yelling more than one likes, sucks.
Trying to figure out why one is yelling can also suck.
It isn’t always instant.
It isn’t always pretty.
It isn’t always the answer you want.
And, there isn’t always an easy way to manage the trigger.
But it always, always, is ultimately for the better.

Figuring out my big trigger took months. It took persistently, yet patiently, pushing myself really hard to look at my actions and challenge myself to figure out what the heck was going on with me, because I knew it was an instance of “it’s not you, it’s me.” The answer wasn’t pretty. My big trigger? I am a lot angrier about some things in my life than I thought. Like real, true, anger. I didn’t expect the answer. I certainly didn’t want it; I don’t want to be an angry person! And the things I am angry about? I can’t change them, I can only change how I accept them and that means a lot of personal work, and ugh, who wants to add that to the to-do list?

But, knowing that I finally have a source of why I am struggling so much gives me hope that I can now more easily get back to a place of yelling less because I know what I am dealing with.

And that, that is way better for myself and for my boys.

(I know I continue to be vague about some stuff; but I need to be so thank you for understanding! )

Just Start Somewhere.

Posted on January 5, 2016 by The Orange Rhino

Dear Diary,

I have been avoiding you for quite some time now.
Yes, avoiding you.
Please don’t take it personal.
This is most definitely (and legitimately!) one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” situations!

I could list 1,001 reasons why I haven’t been writing but at this point, are they really relevant? Are they really what I want to focus on? Do I really want to focus on the past or do I want to move forward and focus on the present, the future? Yes, that is what I want – to move forward. I am certain there will be a time and place when sharing my 1,001 reasons for not writing with you will make sense. And I am certain there will be a time when I feel more comfortable sharing them (I know, odd coming from me, the one who feels comfortable sharing everything), but right now is not the time.

And that is really hard for me to do because folks, if you haven’t guessed it yet I am an anal-retentive, logical, sometimes-organized person! The whole idea of writing posts that don’t reflect my life chronologically drives me bonkers! The whole idea of not thoroughly explaining to you all how I have arrived at this type of post drives me bonkers! I want to explain to all you newish folks why I started with “dear diary” and how this post actually fits in within the grand scheme of The Orange Rhino Challenge.

So why don’t I write those posts you ask? Why don’t I take you back in time with me? I don’t know! I go to write those posts and I hit a block. Actually, I hit a lot of them. Think of it this way. You know how when you don’t call a friend one day and think, “oh, I will call her tomorrow?” and then tomorrow doesn’t happen or the day after or the day after that? And then before you know it more than a month has passed and you still want to call but feel so bad for not calling that you don’t actually make the call?

Yeah, well that is how I am feeling about my relationship with writing right now. Oh how many times I have yearned to write to you dearest diary. Oh how many times I write to you in my head but then avoid writing to you in reality. Oh how many times I sat down to write to you and instead surfed Facebook because the distance between us had grown so much and with it my hesitance., and my fear but we will save that for another day. And oh, oh how many times I said to myself, “just write already, you know you want to, you know you will feel relieved once you start, you know it is a great stress relief, just do it!”

But I couldn’t just do it. I guess you could say that I fell out of my habit of writing. I lost my groove (am I allowed to even admit that here?) and I think we all now how hard it is to get back into a groove. It is brutal! The whole “no more eating chex mix for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert” practically killed me yesterday but alas, I had to get back into the groove of eating better as my body was begging me too. And don’t even get me started on the having to get back into the going-to-school-groove after vacation. Yesterday was Such. A. Tough. Morning. And Day. And Night. Everyone is tired, cranky, disappointed, just wanting to be in pajamas and therefore struggling. Fun times!

I did manage to get into those two grooves yesterday and have continued them today. Partly because the out-of-groove period was so short and well mostly because I had no choice! But getting back into the writing groove? Well clearly it hasn’t been so easy-peasy! But I desperately want to get back into the groove so yesterday I did something about it.

I just started somewhere. Anywhere.

I told myself to, “just sit and write, stream of conscious style like you used to do. Write to your ‘diary’; it might not be your ideal format for this post but it will get you started so just to do it.”

“Just do anything,” I said to myself. “It doesn’t matter if it is good or meaningful or post-worthy, it just needs to be a start. You just need to start writing. You just need to start practicing again, to get the flow going.”

So that is what I did, that is what I am doing. And wouldn’t you know it, it feels fantastic! I can feel my desire to write to you again, as in sooner than a year from now, growing. Feeling fantastic is a pretty contagious feeling and all I needed to get to that feeling was just starting somewhere.

Just starting somewhere…
Without fear if I would succeed.
Without fear if I would continue to succeed.
Without fear of what people would think.
Without fear of whether or not I would do it right.
Without fear if I was doing enough to get going.
Without fear of well, anything that could keep me back from just doing.

It wasn’t easy letting go of aforementioned fears but I can tell you, it was worth it. AND, if you are like me and are struggling to go after something you want, perhaps, oh say, learning to Yell Less and Love More in 2016, it will be worth it for you if you let go of any fears, hesitations, excuses, concerns you have that are holding you back from starting your own journey to be an Orange Rhino. You don’t have to let go of those feelings forever, just long enough so that you can Just Start in the moment. Because once you get started, once you start to gain momentum and feel fantastic, you won’t want to stop. Trust me.

Will you, will WE, have setbacks along the way? Will you, will WE, have setbacks oh say hours after we started? Probably. And then we will just start somewhere again. We will take any step forward that we can and that step will matter because it will move us forward.

Great you say, but what blooming step can I take? Here are a few in no particular order because again the point is to just do something, anything to help close the distance between your goal/desire/dream of yelling less and your current state. They may seem like small steps, but small steps are bigger than no steps and more importantly, the small steps will lead you to where you want to go!

Tell a friend you want to yell less. Tell more if you have the energy, and if not, no worries! You can grow your support circle as time continues.
Surround yourself with orange reminders. Print out one orange rhino (download here) and put it up. Add more as your commitment grows.
Write a diary entry to yourself about what is holding you back and let it go. Email it to me if you want to officially send it off and free yourself of it.
Track your triggers for just 1 hour (here’s a free download or you can find it in my book with more details) Forget days. Just do an hour. Just get started.
Set you phone timer for 20 minutes. Tell yourself that you just need to stay calm and choose a more loving tone for 20 minutes. You can so do that! If it needs to be 5 because it is a tough day, then do 5. Just start somewhere!
Pick one, just one tip you want to try today and use it over and over and over.
Adjust your expectations to help you get over your hesitance by telling yourself, “Today I am just getting started. I don’t need to worry about success right this moment. I just need to get started. I just need to get my mind more engaged in The Orange Rhino Challenge.”

Just starting somewhere certainly isn’t easy, but I think that not starting at all, that wanting to do something and not doing it all is a heck of a lot harder and a much greater burden to carry.

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Phew! I did it! I achieved my goal for this week. Did I struggle all last night and this morning about sharing this without any connection to all of my last posts? Yes! Am I sitting here thinking I should save this post for later, for when I have written the posts that lead up to it so that everything is “in order” and “done the way I would ideally do?” Heck yeah. But again, I can’t do that. If I wait, if I don’t just take another step forward by posting, I will get stuck again and I don’t want to be stuck – I want to be moving forward, closing the distance between my dreams/hopes/goals and where I am today.

Who is with me? Who is moving forward today? What 1 step are you taking?

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If you would like more details to get started, you might enjoy this blog post: 12 Steps to Yelling Less or my book which gets a lot more detailed! You can the entire scoop on it here: “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids–and How You Can Too! A thirty-day guide with tips, stories, and insights.