Ok. Raw post coming up. Well, coming now. A few weeks ago Bounceback Parenting unprompted, made this beautiful video review of my book. Her words brought me to tears because she said how she loved how real and raw I was. I hadn’t been feeling very real and raw with you all (real yes, raw, no) because I had been holding back. I had full intentions of coming on here a few days after her post and writing a very real and raw post about where I went for seven years. Clearly that didn’t happen…YET.
It is coming.
The truth is though – the story is a wee bit stuck inside. I sat down this morning to start writing it because I really want to fully share it because someone the questions you all asked this week are hard to honestly and authentically answer without my 7 year story. Instead of writing I started a timeline of the last 10 years. The minute I got to 2015 (a few months after my book published) I found my fingers slowing down. The thoughts getting stuck. Except for one.
I share that thought with you today (after this paragraph) as you go into the weekend so that perhaps you can act on it. The rest of the story will be coming because I NEED to get it out of me. It is just not helping my mood being stuck inside.
So, the one thought that is clear as day and doesn’t hesitate to come off of my fingertips?
One of the biggest reasons The Orange Rhino blog and FB took a break was…
BUT if you do…know it isn’t the end of the world.
Do I regret letting this page go for 7 years? You sure as hell bet I do. BUT I am choosing to believe that even though fear won, and I regret that, maybe the break was needed and maybe, just maybe, coming back now was the actual plan. That re-starting in 2022 was the bigger picture. Is this true, I don’t know. But I do know that staying in the world of regret does me no good. So whenever my brain starts to feel upset that I essentially walked away, whenever my brain starts to think what could have been, I let myself feel that (I don’t believe in ignoring feelings) and then I go to the, it’s okay. Maybe this is the time Orange Rhino was supposed to come back.
Showing up here can be hard. That FEAR is like a fifth little bird on my orange rhino back. But I am not going to feed it. Those birds by the way symbolize my 4 boys. In real world, they are called oxpeckers – they remove the ticks from the rhino skin which feeds the birds (so rhino helps the birds) and which helps the rhino stay healthy. So the birds and rhino help each other / feed each other. Those 4 birds that represent my sons can stay. That fifth one – FEAR – I refuse to feed. I know sometimes I might feed it a little, but not enough that he wants to come back. At least that is my plan.
So this weekend, try not to let FEAR win. Tell yourself you got this. Show up to that tough moment. And charge forward with confidence. And if you don’t have the confidence, fake it 😉
Thank you all so much for being here and for coming back after all these years.
The Orange Rhino
P.S. And thank you Alissa for all the kind words (omg I can’t get the video to load. argh)