163 days without yelling, 202 days of loving more to go!
Dear Orange Rhinos,
Today I came MUCH to close to yelling. Why? Were my kids awful? Nope. Were they annoying? Yes. More so than usual, I say with as much love as possible? Nope. Then why? Why was today so hard? Because mama is toast. I am beyond tired. So tonight, I am off to bed. Normally I would go to bed disappointed in myself for not posting on a Thursday night but not tonight. Why? Because I share this great guest post with you.
Below is a BRUTALLY honest, brutally courageous post all the way from Denmark. I asked Frederrike to write for me because her commitment to The Orange Rhino Challenge is amazing and inspiring. She writes from the heart and says the hard things. Please, have a read and share your comments on Facebook so she can read them immediately! Being honest is hard enough – being honest and having to share it in another language? Even harder. So please, show your support. And thank you Frederrike!!!
It all started about a month ago. I googled the internet. I don’t remember what I googled, I just googled. One click led to another and suddenly I came across an Orange Rhino. It were like looking in a mirror, and besides the fact that I’ve tried to do something about my yelling for as long as I’ve had children without achieving anything, I just knew that the time was right. It’s now or never, as the song goes.
I announced it on my blog. I told the world (or at least a bunch of people in Denmark) that from this day and a year forward I wouldn’t yell (and of course all the years after this one) I don’t know why, or what the Orange Rhino did for me that day a month ago, but somehow the time was right and I was ready.
For far too long I’ve been looking at my boys, while I yelled at them, and seen the fear in their eyes as they looked back at me, crying. That day a month ago I felt so bad afterwards, left with the feeling that I might as well have been hitting them. Something inside me went to pieces, and I just knew that if I didn’t change my behavior, then one day (soon) I wouldn’t be able to fix it. Ever. One of the biggest fears in my life (besides loosing another child) is that my boys one day, when they are big enough, will turn to me and say: “Goodbye mom” and I never will see them again.
For not only did I yell a lot at them, I also placed a lot of guilt and shame in them. Somehow it was the other downside of yelling. First me roaring at them, then me telling them that they are all wrong. They are 6,5 and 2,5 years old. Nothing they do is wrong in a way that ever will defend my destructive behavior towards them.
Every day is a struggle. A good one, I may add. But never the less a struggle. Every day I have to make a choice between yelling or not. Every day I have to make a choice to be a better mom for my boys. Shortly after I challenged myself I bought a lovely little boy with rhino-helmet and angels wings. Him looks at me every day, standing on my desk at work, and reminds me that when the work is finished, I can pick up 2 amazing kids from nursery and school, and they are mine.
In a short time I have achieved much by not yelling. I feel better about myself and I think that I have become roomier towards my children. I leave them space to be boys, with all the noise and mess. So besides the obvious change, it also leaves me with mental surplus to deal with others issues: do some exercise, regulate my weight and being a woman for my husband.
Info: Frederikke 39 years old. Married to Ulrik. Together we have 3 children. Cirkeline (girl) was born 14th August 2004 and died 24th August 2004 due to HLHS. Gustav (boy) born 30th September 2005 and Harald (boy) born 24th November 2009.