Below is a list of 100 things I have done instead of yelling. Scroll down to read about:
- Fun Alternatives
- I’ll look like a fool Alternatives
- I’ll be considered a bad parent Alternatives
- Preventative Alternatives (surround yourself with reminders)
- You’ll think I’m Cheesy Alternatives
- Serious/Expected Alternatives
Fun Alternatives:
1. Run around the house (adrenaline boost)
2. Start talking jibberish (makes kids laugh & stop pummeling each other)
3. Start blowing bubbles (reminds me of childhood & that I should CHILL OUT)
4. Get the camera (forces me to see behavior wasn’t so bad)
5. Laugh. Even if you don’t want to. (laughter is good for the soul)
6. Bang arms on chest like a gorilla (a good release and a great entertainment for kids)
7. Put hand in front of mouth and pretend to “toot” a horn (great attention getter)
8. Do Jump and Jacks (releases positive chemicals or something like that!)
9. Do push ups (see above)
10. Start clapping & go until kids have stopped annoying behavior (a good release)
11. Start drumming on table/counter until rage is gone (a REALLY good release)
12. Start the Hokey Pokey (silliness can snap anyone out of it)
13. Start a Dance Party (adrenaline + fun, what’s not to love?)
14. Sing. I especially like “La la la, la la, la LAAAAA” (it’s unexpected which works wonders)
15. Pretend to have Laryngitis (silence also works wonders)
16. Play hide ‘n seek. You hide. They seek. For a LONG time. (fun game can snap anyone out of it)
17. Put funny glasses on and “look” through their eyes (they laugh, you find empathy)
18. Give a High Five (The “slap” slaps you out desire to yell as does the touch of their sweet hands)
19. Try to do a somersault (makes you laugh and maybe even pee your pants. Oh, but not me. As if).
20. Speak in a Robot voice (makes kids stop and look at you and wonder, who is she?!)
21. Start Playing with the kids (makes you realize how fun it is to be a kid!)
22. Grab children and hug them (it just feels good all over for everyone!)
23. Start doing “crab walks” (entertaining and exercise releases good chemicals or something like that!)
24. Spray silly string (a fun diverter)
25. Bang a pot or pan (releases anger & starts a music party)
26. Start running in place (adrenaline boost )
27. Tickle child you want to yell at (laughter does the body good, more good than milk!)
28. Pretend you are hurt and need Dr. so and so, insert kids name (kids come running)
29. Go read favorite page of 50 Shades of Grey (did I just write that?! Next subject. Blush. Blush.)
30. Whistle. Loudly. (helps you focus on breathing and annoys kids so they re-focus on you!)
31. Hum. Even louder than whistle (annoys kids & gets them to stop behavior and tell you to stop!)
32. Pop some orange M&M’s into mouth (chocolate is a great mood changer)!
33. Eat a carrot or an apple. Just something hard and crunchy (crunch out stress!)
34. Eat frozen grapes & pretend for a second kids are sleeping & the grapes are wine (okay, it’s a stretch but reaching into freezer snapped me out of my moods!)
“I look like a Fool” Alternatives:
35. Yell into a Closet (clothes don’t have feelings)
36. Yell into a Kitchen Cabinet (cereal boxes don’t have feelings either)
37 . Open up the freezer and put head in (it cools me down & makes kids laugh)
38. Raise two hands in air (gets kids attention & warns that I’m about to blow)
39. Go to the bathroom and scream into the toilet, then flush it away (um symbolic?)
40. Shake body, arms and legs (like The Wiggles, Shake shake Shake your silly’s out)
41. Get on back and put legs and arms in the air and howl like a Dog (yes, I did this)
“I’ll be considered a bad parent” Alternatives:
42. Put the TV on for longer than normally feels okay at really bad moments (sometimes TV is better
than yelling, right?)
43. Have ice cream sundaes together (fun family activity makes me want to have fun, not yell)
44. Start the day with Orange Yogurt (A very small food coloring goes a long way)
45. Sit down and “watch” the circus (gain perspective and laughter)
46. Put ear buds in and listen to Radio! (ah, my kind of “noise”!)
47. Close your eyes & put head in hands in disbelief. Nope I have NEVER done this either.
48. Open a window and breathe in fresh air (kids laugh, what is she doing? Is she a dog?!)
49. Close eyes and picture yourself on a beach, with a daiquiri in hand (takes you to your happy place)
50. Keep orange gum/tic tacs in purse (chewing /sucking sounds drown out whining!)
Preventive Alternatives (surround yourself with reminders that you don’t want to yell):
51. Paint your nails orange (reminds you every morning to be warm and composed)
52. Dress your kids in orange (a totally in your face reminder)
53. Post pictures of kids in problem areas (forces you to fall in love all over again)
54. Buy orange napkins and keep in the kitchen
55. Buy (or receive for Mother’s Day!) orange kitchen towels
56. Wear more orange (necklace, clothes)
57. Put orange post it notes all over the house ESPECIALLY where one is apt to yell
58. Print out Orange Rhino Logo, attach popsicle sticks and have Kids hold it up when crankiness starts
59. Get kids involved! Have them yell “ORANGE RHINO!!!” when they sense eruption coming!
60. Wear an orange hair elastic around wrist
61. Place orange flowers in a vase in kitchen
62. Serve Orange Foods/Drinks (oranges, peaches, cheese, Cheez its, carrots)
63. Drink from an Orange Straw (simply reminds you of the color orange, feelings of warmth!)
64. Light a candle at known bad times, um, bed time? (Relaxes your mood)
65. Use aromatherapy lotion on hands…instead of slamming a door in frustration (massage is relaxing)
66. Say “I love you. I love you. I love you.” (Hard to yell when you realize you love someone).
67. Think things could be worse (yes he’s on table, but he isn’t swinging from the chandelier. Yet.)
68. Grab play-doh or silly putty and squeeze (don’t forget to stop squeezing)
69. Drink a glass of water (forces you to take a breath. Or two.)
70. Splash cold water on your face (snaps you right out of bad mood)
71. Put a warm wash cloth on your neck (ah…relaxation)
72. Text a friend announcing you’re going to lose it (hopefully he/she will say “don’t!!)
73. Set up phone calendar to notify you every 30 min to not yell. (annoying but helpful)
74. Stare at something in room that you love. (finding happy moments erases anger)
75. Ask your child WHY are you crying? (the response will make you give a hug instead)
76. Ask your child WHY are you doing that? (the response will make you go, duh)
77. Tell yourself “I won’t yell. I won’t yell.” (Tricks you into believing you won’t!)
78. Put a finger over mouth in shhh position (creates physical barrier to yelling)
79. Ring a bell like pre-school teachers (casts a magical spell on kids)
80. Look at this cheat sheet! (gives you ideas or makes you laugh?!)
81. If help is around, tag out. (gives you a well-deserved break!)
82. Go through yelling motions but don’t let voice out (shocks kids and yourself that you didn’t yell, releases endorphins from pride!)
83. Go to www.facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino and yell at me (that’s what the page is for!)
“You’ll think I am cheesy” Alternatives:
84. Say out loud “Serenity Now.”
85. Say out loud “They are just kids and I love them.”
86. Say out loud “It’s Gonna be a GREEEEAT day” (like the guy in Jerry Maguire)
87. Call a family council meeting and have everyone sit criss- cross applesauce (forces kids to stop)
88. Look at TV and pretend there is a hidden camera (fear of judgment works wonders)
89. Smile (rumor has it if you fake it, you’ll feel it?)
90. Cry. Yup cry. Show your kids you’re frustrated (brings out empathy from kiddos & new behavior)
91. Say positive thoughts out loud (forces you to see good, not bad and forces desire to be kind)
92. Pull out family photo album (takes everyone to a happy, smiley place)
93. Tell your kids how you feel (gets love and concern and teaches them to express feelings!)
More Serious/Expected Alternatives:
94. Count to 10. Or 100. Or 1000 until you calm down. (forces one to regroup and get perspective)
95. Walk away (more opportunity to gain perspective)
96. Take a deep breath (if one is breathing, one can’t yell!)
97. Whisper (don’t know why this works, it just does!)
98. Turn the Lights off (the shocking factor stops kids in tracks and adds calmness)
99. Keep a journal and write why you want to scream (paper is a great listener)
100. Grab your hands together and squeeze (a great release)
Thank you for this. We are struggling right now. I can’t wait to write some of these down and put them on the fridge!
Dear Danielle – You are most welcome. I think the most effective for me in the beginning days were yelling in the closet and the cabinets. It first taught me to yell away from my kids. Step 1. Then it made me feel silly and helped me to stop! Good luck! If there is anything I can do for you, let me know!
I just now saw this. I love your blog so much I feel like you are a celebrity responding haha! Still struggling but getting better since I started barking like a dog when I want to yell or get a little forceful with him. Have a friend that wants to take the challenge with me. Do you do any personal help like one on one accountability emailing like bi weekly or something? I always do better when I know I’m going to have to give accountability for my previous weeks work lol such is being raised in a home with conditional love, healed but still working out the minks
Ha! Hilarious! I’m not stylish enough to be a celebrity
Getting better is great! Any progress is progress. I love that you bark like a dog and i love that you have a friend you should take the challenge with. Having someone to commiserate with and get support from is a huge. Having my friends I texted in the first two weeks was a big asset in breaking the habit. Checking-in with progress also helps. Tuesday nights I have a “Toot your Rhino Horn” night when people can say how they are doing. Also, you can email me ANYTIME you want to check in. I will do my best to email within the day or within a couple of hours. theorangerhinochallenge@gmail.com Good Luck!
I do find myself yelling a lot, and I don’t like it b/c my mom used to do it and we all hated it!! I need help!!
Hi April! Thank you for reading and I am glad that you found this page. Here are the 5 steps that helped me get going: 1) Tell friends and text them when you want to yell! (2) Track your triggers. I have an example under resources. This will help you focus on hard times (3) Start yelling away from kids to learn to not yell at them (i.e. a closet, cabinet, toilet!) Soon you’ll feel silly
and will not want to tell at all (4) Know that it will be hard but that it is worth it! (5) Ask me for support along the way. Good luck!
I am so glad I found this site. I just yelled at my kids and felt sick afterwards. My kids were upset too and I know they hate it. I am going to print out your suggestions of things to do instead of yelling. I am going to try this. Thank you.
This list is amazing. I had such a good laugh and am going to print it out and put it in the kitchen, where it is visible. I’m doing the 30-day challenge and w/o knowing it, I did #82 and did not yell. YAY! Celebrate success!!
I love this list!! I think I will print it out and post it on my fridge…wonder if i can find orange paper? (I LOVE the idea of orange nail polish as a reminder)
I read about your website in a newspaper article and figured that I might as well try it. I am a mother of two children, ages 8 and 12 (more like 12 going on 30!). In addition to the everyday stresses of life, I am going through a separation. Unfortunately, this has brought my patience level to an all-time low, and I find myself yelling…a lot. I think the biggest challenge for me is how to handle the argumentative, oftentimes disrespectful attitude that I receive from my teenage daughter. I am going to try some of these tips and see what happens.
If anyone has some helpful hints, please let me know.
Wish me luck!
Sending you an email…
I am there with you & my 13yo.
I’m a single mom with two boys (ages 6 and 3). I have no family around and my ex has only taken them 3 days so far this year so I’m doing it 99% on my own. I also work. My 3 year old is extremely difficult and cries and has meltdowns over every little thing and it really tries my patience. I also don’t get enough sleep. I yell way more than I care to admit and then I hate myself afterward. I hate it and I want to stop. I’m so glad I found your site! I’m up for the challenge, I need to print all these tips and post it on my fridge and bathroom mirror!
something that helped with my teenage daughter…we wrote out how we felt…instead of yelling….if she felt that I wouldn’t listen of I felt she wasn’t listening we would pull out a notebook and write….deliver in silence and give time to read and process…went a long way towards undrestanding ..both ways..lol…at 17 we have a much better relationship and we both listen better..
this works because you can’t argue with paper…lol
Thank you so much for this list, I really need it, going to print it out and keep it on my fridge, also pinning it
Natasha @ www.serenityyou.com
I think I’m going to buy orange post-it notes and write these down on them and post them all over the house! I’ve been doing a month long no-yell challenge, and thus far (11 days in), I’ve only yelled 3 times! I cannot thank you enough for this challenge, your webiste, and all you’re doing to help! My daughter’s loving it, too
i’m loving this list…
and orange just happens to be my favorite color anyway. lol.
I just found your website and I love the idea. I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old both girls. I am also 8 months pregnant with a little boy. I have had a lot of issues with his pregnancy that I didn’t have with the girls and need a lot more help around the house. My husband works nights which leaves me alone with the kids a lot and doing everything myself. After yelling at my kids this morning again because their bathroom, rooms and my kitchen were distroyed again after just cleaning last night we walked to the bus stop both kids crying and myself on the verge of it. I have had enough. I read your list of alternatives to yelling but I have a problem it seems like the list to stop yelling is great but then what do I do after that. I don’t want to just make them laugh because I’m being silly and not taking what I’m saying seriously. Do you have a list for how to not yell at older kids that doesn’t make me look like a clown that the can still take seriously. Thank you so much for your time.
got this from a co-worker..pull hands toward yourself as you say in with jesus …hands out as you say out with satan…..after about 3 times ..what ever is triggering me doesn’t seem so bad…also is a signal to kids ..I better listen…Know it seems corny but it really helps me..Kids even get it if you only say the words in your head
I just found your blog and am so relieved that I am not the only yeller ! I have a 6 yr. old daughter whom I homeschool and some days are horrible. I find myself yelling a lot more than I realize. I’m going to try the 365 day challenge. I love the idea of using orange as a reminder ! I’ll probably have orange toenails for the rest of my life ! Thanks again.
OMG! This is exactly what I needed! I feel like I am drowning with a two and a half year old at home on top of working full time as a middle school teacher! It seems lately all I do is yell and complain! It ends today! Thanks!!!
Recently, my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter told me, “Don’t shout at me!” I cringe every time I think about it. She had unrolled the toilet paper (again). Who cares, really? I want so much to stop yelling before she has any clear memories of it. I’m really glad I found this blog. I so hope I can keep up with this challenge. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with yelling.
Oh man, your comment almost made me cry. A couple of days ago, my 15 month old was fussing non stop after keeping me up half the night just refusing to sleep (not crying, just wanted to hang out apparently). My temper was short and I was getting irritated at him for throwing his lunch on the floor. My older son, almost 5, was watching me get more and more impatient with the toddler and told me to stop being so mean to him. I was horrified and just wanted to cry. I was being mean to him because I was exhausted and couldn’t solve his problems which made me feel like a crappy mom but what really pushed me over the edge was being told to lay off by my older son. Your comment brought it all back. I need to do better. No yelling and I have to back off my kids. They’re kids, I have to let them be kids, fussing and all.
Thank you so much for sharing your personal challenge and establishing a network where we can helping another. My recent technique is telling my kids that my behavior is going to be really bad so I need to take a timeout. My oldest will follow me when she is pushing me over the edge so I need to distance myself and this is the only thing that seems to work. They think its hilarious and I can address their poor behavior after I’ve gotten away a few minutes and calmed down.
Great resource! Thank you for sharing your personal journey! My first little one is only 6 months old, so i haven’t really had opportunity to yell yet, but my mom still beats herself up over yelling at us, so I figure it’s never too early to get in the right mindset!
I’m so glad I found this website! I have a 2 year old boy and am 4 months pregnant with a girl. I also work from home and it can be really difficult to focus, so I find myself yelling to try to gain control. Ridiculous, isn’t it? How can I gain control when I’m not in control? I’m definitely going to try these tips! I had another tip that may help some moms. One day when my son was screaming/fussing and my dog was going crazy howling because he didn’t like the noise, I plugged my ears and just watched (which is similar to #45). By plugging my ears I escaped most of the noise and I began to laugh as I was able to see the situation without the frustration of the noise. It worked great for that moment! Thank you for your website!
Thank you for posting this. I have 4 kids and man do I yell, my husband is so sick of me yelling he tells my kids that if he has to come home and listen to me yell all night they are grounded. I am so sick of yelling and I try so hard to just walk away but my kids just keep pushing my buttons until I boil over. Sometimes I yell so much my heart hurts and I feel like my brain is going to explode. I going to give this a try starting right now because my kids are fighting and throwing things at the wall as I am writing this. Wish me luck
Thank you, THank you, Thank you for doing this. YOu give moms hope everywhere. I have been trying hard in the last 3 months to not yell, but it still gets the best of me often. I come from a family of yellers (well mostly my mom and her family). It is so hard to stop. It really helps me have compassion for people with other addictions! Mine is yelling. Although I don’t think of myself as an angry person… but I just tend to explode. I am doing better I do believe, though. I am so excited to start this challenge. I believe I can make this change and then my kids won’t grow up to be yellers–this is probably my biggest motivator!
Blessings!
I have a 7.5 year old and 2.5 year old. I’ve tried repeatedly not to yell but keep falling into the same cycle. It makes it harder not to get frustrated when my husband doesn’t back me up and gives into their every tantrum. I’m constantly “the bad cop”. I cry because I feel like no one else has this problem but I know I’m not alone now. Will give it a shot again trying some new techniques
This is a wonderful idea and I would love to do it but I have teens and none of these ideas are gonna work for them. They are all geared for smaller kids. Please help!
Stay tuned – soon I will be posting on FB about that exact issue as I know it is a subject many people hope to take up!
it feels nice to know i am not the only mom who yells so much. this is going to sound terrible but last spring it got so bad a cyst developed on my vocal cord (this was in part due to yelling at my daughter 2 blocks away on her bike that she was too far ahead and needed to come back, when she was 7 and trying to be independant, but i went into a minor panic attack of bad things that could happen). i had the cyst surgically removed and could not even whisper for even a week. I feel i am doing better than yelling at every little thing now, but i have a lot of weak moments. I have an 8 year old and an almost 3 year old (both girls). i dont have anyone that is a good friend that i call on any regular basis though. i moved cross country 8 years ago and lost track of a lot of people. thank you for being brave enough to put this out there for people like me who think i must be the most terrible parent in the world. funny thing is my favorite color is orange. so maybe there is hope.
Do you want an accountability partner?
Stumbled across your list and I have decided to give it a bash. I have a 3year old daughter and a 2 year old son, she is so stubborn and thinks she knows best(wonder where she gets that from) and her brother is her shadow, monkey see monkey do. I knew i yelled sometimes but realized i must be bad when she starts yelling and her brother calls her mummy Mia. She is really moody and says that she’ sad quite a lot but her nursery teacher says she’s a pleasant happy girl there so now i feel even more guilty and sad myself, i want to be a fun mum and have a good relationship with them before they become teenagers. But as of today i WILL try harder and then we’ll work on daddy’s patience. Wish me luck
I love this! And I love you for writing all these great ideas on how to stop yelling at my family! I am a yeller and I don’t want to yell anymore! I have created 4 little monsters who yell to get attention too. I am going to take your challenge to change into a calm and encouraging mom that doesn’t overreact to stress instead of a psycho, enraged, out of control freak who poses as my children’s mother. 365 days is a pretty lofty goal so I am going to start with today and add another day when I can successfully make it through one without yelling. (I have a 13 yr old, so 1 day at a time is all I can muster the strength for yet)
I was with my nephew one day he is now 6 he was 4 at the time and he was just full of energy and was told to calm down… Needless to say he was a 4 year old boy… Calm HA!! I just started humming in a mediating mode and he stopped and looked at me and I said woosah and I told him to calm down with me woosah an just did some silly movements with my arms calmly and he calmed down and since then all I have to way is WOOSAH and he stops, takes deep breaths, and says Woosah! Then he is good!
I am soooooooooooo glad I found this blog! I constantly have guilt after my 4 kids are all tucked into bed and I start thinking about all the yelling I did throughout the day. Starting tomorrow, I am not going to yell anymore. Like you’ve mentioned, sometimes the things they do that make us yell make perfect sense to them in their little world, yet we are so quick to be impatient and yell at them. Thanks so much for sharing your journey. You are an inspiration to me. I read your post, “10 Things I Learned From Not Yelling” to my husband tonight, and it was just so inspiring. Thank you so much.
My husband just sent me this link. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. We have a 15 y/o girl and boys ages 5,3 and 2. So I have my hands full. We are in the process if moving to a bigger house abd stress has been very high between my husband, myself and the kids. I keep telling myself that yelling has a trickaling affect. (Dad yells at daughter, daughter then yells at boys and so on). So this is a challenge he in going to start at the new house on April 1st. What a day to start but I figure new house new life time for a new chapter! Thank you for posting this article.
Thank you so much, you are a heroine. I hope my husband reads and uses these
Just wanted to say that I wish you were around when my kids were little! I yelled too much, but also realized I was doing it and tried to do alternatives. Vacuum, run up and down stairs ect. On Days when the kids were just monsters, I found that putting them in a bath and using food coloring in the water would wind things down. Instead of fighting, they would have a good time and if there was a bit of a mess on the floor, so what.Easy to wipe up.Eventually they would ask to do it when they got bored or whatever. When they got too old do do this together(boy and girl) I just put swimming suits on them.
I love this, glad to know I am not the only one who feels this way!
I love how you have used a weakness of yours and made it a strength. Something that I am trying to focus on is making my weaknesses strengths. Not as easy as is said.
Thank God I found you via Pinterest. I have ONE 3 year old daughter (I can’t imagine a bunch of little boys!) and feel like I’m about to go out of my ever lovin’ gourd! Why, why, why? Oh why can’t they just LISTEN???? I’m going to print this out and put it on my fridge. And b/c this is the first thing of yours that I’ve read, I’m not sure what the scoop is about an orange rhino, but orange is my favorite color, so I’m up for adding more orange to my life.
(Don’t worry, I’ll research and figure out what it’s all about.) Again, thanks for all the ideas and just for sharing your experience so I know I’m not alone!
I am very excited that I found your blog and am looking forward to taking the challenge! It is a change I’ve wanted to make, but sure is easier said than done, especially in the heat of the moment! I’m actually looking forward to tracking my triggers.
I wish that this list (and the original blog article) had been available to me 25 years ago, when I was expecting my first child. As usual, the solutions I need show up long after I need them. *wry grin* Besides a short temper, and plenty of bad examples in my past, I have a partial hearing loss, and oftentimes I truly don’t realize how loud my own voice is, which triggers the kids to yell because it sounds like I’m yelling at them, and then I find myself yelling back and getting angry, even when there was no anger involved at first. I also know that if I try to repress my emotions, I’m setting myself up for a bigger explosion later on. But here’s what I just thought of doing. I’m just starting to learn ASL, as my hearing is getting worse and eventually, I’ll probably not be able to hear at all. I plan (when I get a large enough vocabulary) to try to use sign language to express myself instead of yelling when I’m feeling angry and that I’m about to lose it. I will be able to express my anger instead of trying to squash it (which almost never works for me), and yet provide a quieter environment for my kids. I figure that it can’t hurt, and even if it is too late for my own children, I can learn not to yell so that my grandchildren won’t learn to fear grandma.
I have laugh and cry.
I knew that I had that problem and was thinking that I was the only one. I have a lot to write
Thanks and I will accept the challenge now that I know how to start.
My sister has just recommended this site. I yelled at my 4 year old daughter. It was so loud I’m sure the neighbours heard me. My husband who was at the other side of the house heard and thougt it was the neighbour who had gone mad. I told him that it is me that has gone mad. I feel terrible now. Like the worst mother in the world. I’m prepared to try anything and am definitely going to try the alternatives suggested here. Day 1 of no yelling!!!
You, my friend, have made my life a lot easier the past two days from trying. I never realized how many times I used a “stern/yelling” voice until I stopped and tried these tips and my child said to me “oh mommy you’re so nice” wanna talk about a rear jerker?!?!? I have a copy of these steps in each room. I have a journal I’ve been writing the frustrations down in. One day, we will both be able to sit down and read it together and laugh at the small things I got mad about it and wanted to yell at him for.
Single mom of two boys! 3 years old and 8 months. You have become my new favorite person. Thanks you!!!! ❤❤
Thank you for your honesty and help. Being a mum of a 5 yo boy, and 2 girls aged 1 and 2 is not always easy. Highly educated, always been calm, good partner yet I yell. Frequently every day. I hate myself for doing so. I do not recognize myself. Sometimes I manage to give them quiet time out on the stairs. Other times I explode. I am a vegetarian, support the monks in Tibet, tend to spread a lot of love. Yet I also see a tired out aggressive mother, an image I despite. I grew up with a loving mother, and an angry father. Time I change into the role model I want to be for my children. Time to stop. Time to enjoy them and not just feel worn out constantly. It is a vicious circle. Only I can stop it with the help of a website like yours. Time to live life fully and happily. Hugs and thanks xxx a desperate mother
Hi ,
This is all very awesome advice, I wish I had read all this before my youngest was 12 and my oldest was 18!! I really think you have such good ideas! Do you think this works with Teens? How about with husbands!! LOL.
Thanks,
Totally works with husbands
And as for teens, I have no idea but I know they all help me to calm down so I am thinking they would work?!
I relate to EVERYTHING in this article…I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old son..My son just doesn’t listen. I yell constantly and have been told multiple times by him – Don’t shout at me! Makes me feel like a terrible mom.
I am going to print this and read it everyday if I have to, and I WILL stop yelling.
Thank you for the inspiration.
Thanks for sharing this. I am going to try my hardest at doing this. I hate the feeling I have after yelling at my kids. I snap easily at them and I’m sure it’s not even really their fault. I often wonder if there is something wrong with me. Why can’t I handle it better? I will take all your suggestions and put them to use, starting today! I find the hardest time trying to be patient with my kids is in public. It is very stressful when they act up and everyone is staring. What do you find is the best ways to calm them down and yourself? I usually want to just leave and go home. Maybe if I had better ways to deal with their behaviors, it could make for better outings. What do you think? Thanks!
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Until I discovered your blog I thought I was alone. A lonely yelling mum
I will be trying out many of these over the next while. BTW – I realized that we have a lot of orange in our house. I think that will come in very useful 
x
I have 5 kids.. Ages 4, 4, 5, 7, and 8. 1 is mine and 4 are step. I yell all day long. It makes me crazy!! And u know the kids hate it! I’m going to try this stuff! Thanks for sharing!
RE: #66 I often sing the repeated “I love you” from this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHv6Qhz8Z7Q
I’ve just discovered you thanks to a readers comment on the FB page “our muddy boots.” Thank you for your honesty, bravery, and willingness to share your journey!
Thank you for writing this. I know from the few comments I read that I’m not the only one. This is something I’ve been struggling with for a while and it seems to just be getting worse. I am definitely going to try many of your suggestions. Like someone else mentioned, I was yelled at as a kid and I didn’t like it any more than my kids do. I know, for me, I need to work pro-actively at getting to bed earlier because a tired mommy is a cranky mommy. On that note, I think I’ll take myself off to bed right now. Thanks again!
This is a fantastic site. We are an active duty army family with 5 children between the ages of 6 and 15. I never used to yell. Unfortunately my children are yellers and now we all yell. I think maybe they picked it up at school. We have a hard time with bossiness and children trying to parent each other, which makes me a little batty. I am considering printing out this list and challenging all of us not to yell. Do you think these will work for 6 and 8 year olds who scream like they are dying because someone won’t play with them? I feel like I have tried just about everything and I would like to stop the vicious cycle. Thanks so much for sharing your story and experiences.
Love these ideas! I would love some cute printables of these to put around the house. I may have to make some (although I am so not good at that stuff) to help remind me of my alternatives when I really need them!
I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am to have found this site tonight.
My 4yr old woke up this morning giggling “mommy, mommy say ORANGE RINOOO!!” Thanks for some realistic ideas on how to stop yelling. My dad was a yeller and I have fought the yeller in me (unsuccessfully) for years. This seems much more manageable. Day 3 bring it on… :-/
I know this has been said by all the other comments left before mine but thanks for putting this out there. Totally inspirational and doable(eventually!) so nice to know that I’m not the only one and like yourself can keep it together in public, making me feel even more the evil mummy when I do rant and rave at home. Going to get some orange things together tomorrow to begin the challenge. Xxxxx
Two questions. First: Is it any easier, now that it has been a year? Second: apparently my voice goes funny when I am angry but not yelling…I speak slowly (I think, patiently), but there’s an odd tone (like I’m talking to a rather young child). Maybe it sounds condescending? My son tells me he would much rather I yell than have “that” voice. Suggestions?
I just wanted to say thanks you a million times over. Before I became a mom I babysat and nannied and I was good at my job so I thought hey I’ve got this parenting thing in the bag! I will not be like my mom, I will have patience, and my kids will be perfect angels
(maybe not angels but at least respond to my disciplinary techniques) but having your own kids is so much different especially when you don’t get the breaks you get when u nanny or babysit. Your either at home with them 24/7 with very little time to yourself or you are a working parent and when you get home you are exhausted and don’t have the patience you should. Anyway I can relate and am so thankful to have this site and list of things to help me with! Is there someplace I can vent my frustrations or ask for advice on how to deal with certain behavior? I have two daughters ages two and a half years and the other is two months so I’m starting to find new behaviors cropping up with the little one in the mix and I’ve started watching other kids in my home which I think has changed her behavior as well. Anyway there are many times lately where it is hard to yell so thank you for this list and this website !
My Dad used to yell A LOT. I default into it. My little one locked us out of the house and I was so angry and yelling at her her so much that my older daughter looked at me and said “Mommy, calm down.” Your thoughts about the guilty feelings that come at night when I look back over the day and think of how many times I got mad and yelled at them, well, spot on. I really need to take this challenge. Thanks for this resource!
I have two beautiful girls. My husband works evening and I work days. Not much parenting as a team. My youngest is in preschool and another mom asked me if I have seen the challenge on FB. I had not but was glad she asked. I am on day 1 and so far so good. Bed time is the time that usually goes bad for me. I am going to do it this time and stick with it yelling is no longer a way to do things. Yelling makes me feel like a bad mom. It only makes them laugh because my face gets red and I look like a crazy person. I think I would laugh too.
I have a 5 year old step son, who is set on the fact that I’m taking his moms place and making it where she won’t come see him. (She comes maybe 3-4 times a year and fills his head with nonsense) and we now have full custody of him, but he makes it a point to push my buttons and do everything in his power to push me over the edge. I also have a 7 month old and I’m so tired of yelling around her day in and day out (unless dads around) its not the kind of enviroment I want her growing up in and I miss my relationship with my step son. I’m definitly going to try this. I don’t have a printer, so ill start off by writing parts down when I do feel like yelling. Too bad I won’t be able to get dad on board. But the least I can do is eliminate 70% of the yelling in this house.
Just read these tips. I am going to try the challenge starting today. I haven’t yelled yet so I’m going to continue that. I just talked to my 4 1/2 yr old (who is my challenging child) about not yelling & she gave me a big smile & nodded. Can’t wait to see how she reacts the 1st time I yell into a closet
Thanks!
AHHHHH! I’m so, so, so, SO glad that I found this article! I need this. My son needs this. I hate that I yell at him, he hates that I yell at him. The neighbors probably hate that I yell at him. (Ok, it’s really not that bad but it feels like it sometimes!) I work in pre-k so I’m surrounded by 4yos all day long. And I manage to keep it together around my students (even when they’re putting rocks up their noses or trying to feed our class pet finger paints). But when it comes to my own 4yo, the sunshine of my soul, I feel like I lose it constantly. These suggestions are going up all over my house. I’ve already put an orange hair tie around my wrist and the nails are getting painted tonight! Thank you for your inspiration and your insight. Serenity NOW!
I’ll look like a fool: talk with an accent. “Why is there paint on the dog?” (Sounding like Forest Gump).
I was referred to you today and I’m very thankful for it. Never stop.
I just love you! I absolutely hate myself for yelling at my kiddos…4 boys…so I’m really grateful to have found this. I’ve already started
Thanks so much!