18 days down, 347 to go!
Dear Tom Cruise,
This post is dedicated to you Tom Cruise and a friend who helped me get this blog going who is in Labor right now! She sent me an email saying “I’ll be out of touch for a bit, I’m in labor.” I laughed because that is something I would do…did do…send work emails while being in Labor. I wrote back: “No worries. Good luck and remember NO YELLING! LOL” And so Tom, I thought of you and all the hub-bub around how Katie Holmes had to deliver Suri without making noise. I don’t know the details (and this isn’t a religious or political post!) I just remember something about silence and peace. Today, I get that. Not yelling for 18 days has brought peace to my house and to me. But dear friend in labor…in my book, having just been there and done that, now is no time to feel the need to be peaceful. The peace will come when that beautiful boy arrives. Until then, yell away!
The Orange Rhino
A Silent Birth. Yeah there was no way in h*ll that I could have delivered my 4th son silently. You see, the epidural had stopped working (as it always does for me) and I went from 4 cm to #4 in about 20 minutes, if that. Around 2:25 pm I asked the nurse to get the Anesthesiologist because I knew the drugs were wearing off – she came back 5 minutes later to say he was coming and I said, “Don’t bother, the baby is coming NOW!” She didn’t believe me since I had JUST been checked and was barely 4 cm. But she got the doctor anyway. Smart move.
The doctor came in (all smug like, lady, you ain’t delivering it’s not like you’ve done this three times and know your body or anything….) did the exam and then promptly said “Don’t move. The head is there. We’re not ready and he’s coming out on his own.” See, I told you I was having this baby!!! Not only was he practically delivering himself fast and furiously, but he was coming out at an angle since he was still partially breeched. So it kind of hurt. You know, just a wee little bit. And I was kind of screaming just a wee little bit.
After three pushes, and a heck of a lot of swearing, #4 arrived and he was absolutely perfect. I just held him in my arms, tears of joy and amazement dripping down my face, and fell in love all over again for the 5th time in my life. Holding my son for the first time in my arms is the most overwhelming, powerful feeling ever. Words won’t do it justice. The world stopped for that minute when I looked down and saw this precious being. My son. And all the nausea, sleepless nights, leg cramps, back aches, and labor pains disappeared. And even though this was my 4th delivery, I still felt the power of the miracle that just happened take over my body as strongly as when my first son was born.
I felt his little fingers wrap around mine grasping for security after his abrupt arrival…I felt his head nuzzle up against my chest looking for comfort under the bright lights…I felt his eyes peering at me trying to find reassurance that it will be okay in his new world…and I? I felt at peace. All my yelling had stopped and I was at peace.
All the yelling has stopped and I felt at peace.
That amazingly enough describes what The Orange Rhino Challenge has done for me thus far.
All the yelling has stopped and I feel at peace.
Simply put, not yelling for 18 days has filled me, my home, my boys, with more peace. There is less hostility in everyone’s tones. There is less quarrelling between the boys (but let’s be real, there are still fights but they are shorted lived and fewer of them and the house is still insanely chaotic and I still want to yell, I’m just not!) There is less anxiety in my mind over whether or not I am a good enough mom because I just feel like a better mom, a nicer mom. Whenever I used to yell, whether it was warranted or not, it just filled me with more frustration, more anger. It never made me feel better. The more I yelled, the more agitated person I became and that trickled down to how my kids perceived me and how they acted towards me and each other.
But now, in not yelling, I feel light. I feel free. I feel corny But it is all true. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. There is a new sense of calm about me more often than not…. a feeling that I never knew I could achieve. And it feels fantastic. I don’t want to lose this feeling because not only do I feel like a better mom and a nicer mom, I feel like a happier mom. And that is a feeling I’ve been searching for much longer than I care to admit….